Caught Between Love
by getnealerwithit
Summary: One girl, two teammates. Featuring Sidney Crosby and James Neal of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
1. Chapter 1

_**PROLOGUE**_

_When you know someone for almost 3 years, you become bonded for life. They're a part of you forever and you find yourself thinking of them 24/7._

_No matter how hard you try, they will ALWAYS be in your mind, even during the most intimate moments that you wouldn't expect._

_Sid was one of those people. We met just before the season, where Penguins won the Stanley. At first it was a bit surreal. He was a fan of mine as I was his, and too be honest there was some attraction. But of course, neither of us were ready to be in a relationship especially since I just arrived to Pitt after a 4 year professional soccer stint overseas._

_The media speculated our friendship but that's all it was; a friendship. We've been through a lot together; laughs, tears, blood, concussions, hatred. We've seen it all and through every rough patch, we were always there for each other._

_He was my best friend._

_That was until another guy started showing me interest. He became distant and cold. He stopped texting me every morning, wishing me a great day or just to say hello if he hadn't the time to call._

_At first, I was a bit angry. He was abandoning me, our friendship. It's not my fault anyway, he's the one that introduced me to him. If he didn't want one of his teammates hitting on me, he could have prevented me from talking to him._

_I had no idea how Sid truly felt because he's too stubborn to tell me to my face. It's just one of those things, being with one guy but really falling for another._

_Love is a tricky thing._

***** PRESENT TIME *****

"Mariot captures the ball from a cross from Cabots. She dekes past three defenders….it's just her and the goalie, one on one! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL! Tess Mariot scores the game winner! The Pittsburgh Panthers are the champions!"

The adrenaline kicked in, my arms wrapped around my teammates as the crowd roared in celebration. We won. For the first year in 5 years, the Pittsburgh Panters are the champions.

"We did it, girl!" Max grabs my face, our foreheads touching. "We did! We fucking did it!"

All of us worked so hard to get to this point. We worked all summer, trained all year in hopes that we could turn last year's horrible season into a distant memory. I gave up a lot, even missed a few matches with the national team so I could make training sessions with my team. I needed to win a championship here, I had too.

The handshake line was full of congratulations. The opponents, Boston College, put up a good match. They pushed our defense hard and triggered in a few goals but there was no way I was going to let them win this. This was MY title. Our title.

I was grabbed for a post-match interview, the sweat dripping down my face onto my heaving chest. The crowd was standing still, voices quiet as I answered a few questions. With each one, the crowd jeered in excitement.

"This is for everyone here today - thanks for believing in us!" They erupted in thunderous claps as I made my way off the field. As I was entering the dark tunnel, I noticed a dark figure leaning against the wall.

"Amazing game, Tess. Even better, that goal was sick!" He walked next to me, his hand interlocking in mine. Once inside a lighted hallway, his eyes shined in adoration.

"Thanks, Nealer. Now it's your turn!" I say cheekily, reminding James that he was a few games away from advancing to the Stanley Cup finals.

"Seriously, I'm impressed. I always knew you were a great player but I've never seen you more determined. It was...hot." He grabbed both my hands before leaning in for a kiss. His lips were soft but his need was hungry.

"You owe me, James." I pull back from him, his eyes confused. "You were too tired for a celebration last night after your game so tonight..."

He cuts me off with another kiss. He was trying to distract me from the events of last night. Scoring a second-career hat trick but he's 'too tired' to fool around afterwards, even though it's been days since we last had sex due to the crazy playoff schedule.

"I owe you. Got it." He flashes me a smile, his beard looking so gingerly today. He grabs my hand again, escorting me to the locker room door.

"No chance I can sneak in with you?" I roll my eyes.

"Not a chance." I'm just about to walk in the room when I hear a familiar voice call my name. I look down the hall and see Sid running towards us.

"I was wondering if you came!" I yelled, flashing him a excited smile.

"No way I was missing this game! You played fantastically." He wrapped his arms around me, twirling me in circles.

"Thanks. I was telling James here that it's the Pens time now. Bring home that cup, eh?" Sid looked at James with a smirk.

"Lets not get ahead of ourselves, Tess. Still plenty of hockey left to play." He shoves his hands awkwardly into his pockets as he rocks back and forth.

This was how it always was with us three. Awkward.

"Well, you better fucking win. The Bruins already eliminated my poor Leafs, no way their eliminating my Pens!" I nudge Sid in the arm and wink at James, both of them forcing a laugh.

"Tess, babe, you need to shower. We have reservations, we must celebrate!" James was motioning his hands towards the door, while trying to peek through the small crack I left open.

"Fine." i look at Sid, whose head was hiding beneath his hat. "Sid, care to join us?" He shakes out of his zombie-like trance.

"Nah. I'll let you two celebrate. We can catch a beer later, I'm sure." He glanced over at James, smiling as James nodded in approval.

"Okay, if you say so. Seriously, you better take me out for a beer later, Sid or we'll have issues." I lean in and hug Sid, my sweaty body soaking the front of his shirt slightly. He kisses me on the cheek before saying goodbye and leaving.

James stood there, his finger rapidly touching the face of his watch as if to count down the minutes I have to shower.

"Reservations, babe." He reminded me.

I promptly ran into the locker room where press were inhabiting. I avoided the interviewers and quickly slipped in and out of the shower, dressing in a pair of red shorts and a yellow tank top. Typically you're suppose to dress back into your pre-game clothes but since I had a hot date, I opted out.

I kissed our trophy goodbye, swallowed a few gulps of beer and headed out to meet James.

"That was the quickest shower, Tess!" He began laughing.

"Well, I learned from the best." I said winking at him with a devilish grin. He grabbed my hand as we were walking to his car which was parked in the private parking lot by the stadium. Only family of the players can park there but somehow, James found a way to beat the system.

"So where we going?" I rummage through my bag for my sunglasses, popping a piece of gum into my mouth.

"Meat and Potatoes. Never been there before so I figured we'd go there." He placed his hand on my knee, his eyes focused on the traffic in front of him.

"Fancy James being so fancy today." I let out a giggle as I look at his profile. That dark auburn hair matched with that hilarious yet adorable ginger beard.

"Well, it's a special occasion. Not everyday you get to celebrate a championship, babe." The car stops at a red light. James takes the opportunity to lean over, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

The restaurant was incredible. The ambiance was soft and romantic and the food was spectacular! I can't believe I lived in Pittsburgh for 3 years and never ate here. I wonder if Sid knows about this place. I pull out my phone while James is figuring out the check and snap a photo of my empty plate.

T: Food is amazingly good here!

Moments later I get a text back.

S: Meat and Potatoes? Damn, I've always wanted to go there.

T: See, you should have came with us. Remember you owe me a beer Crosby :)

James interrupts me. "You ready? I have something else planned for us." He's a mysterious man sometimes. He can be hard to read but it's those moments that he surprises me the most.

I nod, standing up and pushing my chair in. As we were entering the car my phone buzzed again.

S: It's not my place, Tess. You and James have fun. I'll talk to you later about those beers.

It's not my place? What does that even mean? I text back a quick response.

T: Not your place? Explain.

5 minutes lapse before Sid returns my text.

S: I'm not your boyfriend. Going to a restaurant like that with you would only be something I would do if you were my girlfriend and since that ship has sailed...just enjoy your time with Nealer. You deserve it.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't offended. That was a jab at me and a very clear one at that.

T: Fine.

That's all I could muster up. If I typed anymore, I'd say things I'd probably regret and at this time right now, Sid doesn't need any drama. Neither does James.

"Everything okay? You look pissed?" James pulls the car over at this lake, miles from his house and the golf course he lives on.

"I'm fine." He doesn't believe me. "Who were you texting?" His tone was monotonous.

"Just Sid. I asked him if he ever ate at Meat and Potatoes before. It was so delicious!" I grin at James who forces a smile.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe you'll enjoy this next part too."

James walked over to my side of the car, opening it and lending out his hand. "Are we going swimming?" I asked amused.

"Not quite." He leads me down to a small bench overlooking the lake. The sun was beginning to set and the temperature was cooling down. James was looking anxious the whole time, quickly glancing at me, smiling. I sit down on the bench, stretching my legs out in front of me.

James was standing.

"Come on, sit down. I won't bite." James just stares at me. His eyes penetrate mine and I shift my body slightly. That stare drives me crazy, good crazy. The kind of crazy that makes me want him right now.

"Tess." He mumbles.

"James." I say back to him, our eyes never parting.

"How would you love to live here?" His question was challenging. I live here, in Pittsburgh.

"Well, I love living here. It's been a great 3 years."

He sits next to me, our legs touching and his body crunched in my direction. He was still staring at me, his eyes more focused and seductive.

"I meant, how would you love to live here...with me." I freeze. My face is emotionless as I replay those words. He's asking me to move in with him. Holy crap.

"Um. Well...I think...we've only..." I can't form a whole sentence.

"It's only been 2 1/2 months, I know but Tess, I really like you. A lot. On the road I can't stop thinking about you and even when we're both in the same city, we're so far away from each other."

I had no idea he felt this strongly about me. When we are together, we're always together. I love being with him, he makes me laugh and I feel so comfortable with him. Not to mention, I miss him like mad when he's away.

"There's nothing I would want more, besides a Stanley Cup of course, then to wake up next to you every morning." He's so genuine. I've known James for almost a year and it took him forever to ask me out on a date. Given his past, I know this is something he rarely ever does.

"This is a huge step, James. It's a form of commitment." I was feeling overwhelmed.

"If you say no, I understand." His head falls slightly and our eyes disengage. "But I want you to know that I'm very serious about us. I've never been this serious about anything other than hockey."

He grabs both my hands, kissing the tops of them gently. I've never admitted it but I've felt the same way. There's something about James that intrigues me. There's still so much I don't know but I figure that I'll never know these things if I never take a chance.

"Okay." I whisper, the words barely leaving my lips. "Okay. Lets do it." I flash him a smile. He grabs my face planting a kiss on my lips.

"You're awesome." He says, standing up. He looks like a huge dork with that smile. I've always had a soft spot for dorks.

"After the season is over, okay? Just give me a couple weeks to figure out a way out of my place." He shook his head quickly and I was beginning to get excited. James couldn't stop smiling and neither could I.

"Well, Tess. Shall I show you around your new home?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me. "I believe I owe you something from last night." He takes my hand as we both start racing towards his car.

Ah, yes. He owes me something alright. It'll be the first time we've done this since we started dating and now, I'm more than willing to let loose with him. At his place. My place.

Our place.


	2. Chapter 2

***** Flashback 3 years ago *****

Skates and Plates 2008-2009 or as I like to call it, the day that changed my life forever. He was wearing the most ridiculous tuxedo but in a way, it made him look even more adorable.

The whole Pitt soccer team was at the event so I was dressed in my most fancy clothes. I even wore heels which for me, is a total accomplishment.

"More wine?" He leaned over me, a smile as big as his chubby face. His eyes were even more entrancing in person. "Yes, please." I was blushing, my cheeks were flushed and my body was getting warm.

Max likes to think it was because I was attracted to him but honestly, I think I just drank too much wine.

"You should go find him, Tess. He couldn't keep his eyes off you all night!" Max was my closest friend here, a Pittsburgh native, she showed me around the city and taught me the way of life here. Not to mention, she asked me to live in her parents spare loft downtown.

"Pfft. Get real, Max. The chances are slim to none of him being interested!" I couldn't stop laughing at her.

"He's Sidney Crosby, Tess. It's not like he's Justin Timberlake. The chances are pretty damn good if you ask me."

Only Max could compare the world's best hockey player to one of the world's most elegible bachelors and king of boy bands, Justin Timberlake.

"There he is. Go before I do." She nudges my arm hard to enough to make me fall back, my right heel breaking from the strain. The sound of myself collapsing, and maybe the little shriek, was enough to catch Sidney's attention. He began running towards us and Max was standing there with a giant grin on her face.

"Hey! Are you alright?" He leaned down grabbing my arm, his left hand finding the small of my back as he helped me off the cold floor of the then, Mellon Arena. I caught my footing, quickly kicking off these dangerous heels.

"Thanks for the hand, Max." I shoot her a glare before returning my attention to the man still holding my hand.

"As for you, thank you for the lift. I usually don't wear heels." I try to stay as calm as possible in hopes that I don't freak him out. "I usually never get star struck either but it's not everyday you meet the guy that put your hometown on the map!"

He smiled even wider, his pearly white teeth glowing in the dim light. "I'm Sid. And you're Tess Mariot. I can also say that I usually don't get star struck either."

He knows who I am. How is this even possible? He could read the confusion on my face.

"I've seen you play a few times. You're incredible!" My cheeks felt unusually hot. Obviously now I was blushing.

"Wow...I don't know what to say. Thank you. I can't believe you know who I am." I laughed nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I hear a grunt from behind me and realize I was being selfish with Sid's attention.

"Oh. This is my friend Max, she plays soccer with me at Pitt. She's kind of in love with you." Payback is a bitch. She gasped in disbelief. Sid smiled at her, lending his hand out for a shake.

"A pleasure to meet you." Max nearly fainted when Sid touched her.

"No, it's a pleasure to meet YOU!"

***** Two Years Later*****

"Sid, I don't think this is a good idea!" He was watching me pace back and forth in his living room. I was biting my nails to the cuticle from nerves.

"You'll be fine. He's a good guy and he's been bugging me to meet you forever. It's quite pathetic really." Sid shoved a handful of pretzels in his mouth amused at my behavior.

"You know, you seem oddly nonchalant about this. He's your teammate and now you want to play match maker?" I stopped pacing just long enough to hear a knock on Sid's door. "Fuck. Is that him?"

Sid smiles and nods as he forces himself off his couch. "Just be yourself, you'll be fine. I'm here to bail you out if you end up not liking him."

I've known Sid for awhile now, we've met each other's families, I met the Lemieux's but I have never actually met any of his teammates. Well, except maybe Max Talbot. Okay, so I've met almost all his teammates BUT they were all single and showed no interest in me other than being someone Sid can take to parties and events.

This is so unlike the other times. He purposely went out of his way to ask Sid to introduce me to him. Who knows what else he said, Sid won't tell me much.

"Tess, this is Nealer." I turned around quickly almost knocking over my glass of wine in the process.

"Hey. Nice to meet you." I blurt out. I sound and look like a baboon. This is so embarrassing. He walks over to me, his hand grabbing mine.

"I'm James. It's an honor to meet the famous Tess Mariot. I've been bugging Sid to introduce us for a couple months, I'm a huge fan." His smile was sincere. And perfect. His hair however looked absolutely crazy, it looked like he just got out of bed.

"So he's told you about me? Hopefully good things?" After the initial introduction, I found myself relax. He's just another guy, another famous hockey player you've met through Sid, this is as normal as it gets.

"Very good things. Though he forgot to mention how stunning you look in person." I smiled at James, picking up my half full glass of red wine and gulping all of it.

"Thank you. Looks like Sid also forgot to mention that you have an adorable smile."

What am I doing? It's the wine. Abort mission! Leave all dignity where it lays and get the hell out of there!

James and I were staring at each other trying not to laugh for about 2 minutes when we were distracted by a cough.

"Ahem." We both looked at Sid who was leaning against the wall of his kitchen, arms crossed in front of him with a look of amusement on his face.

"Are you two hungry? We could head to Local, some of the guys are gonna be there." I give Sid a look of concern. "Don't worry, I think Vero is going to be there with Flower." He was always great at reading my facial expressions.

Vero and I became really good friends after Sid and I met. She was the first hockey girlfriend I met and was the only one that I really got along with.

"I'm starving!" James rubs his stomach with the dorkiest of all smiles plastered across his bearded face.

"And I could use a few beers." I mumble to myself, unaware that it was loud enough for both guys to hear.

"In that case, first round is on me." James looks at me and winks.

"Okay you two. How are we getting there, we have two cars. Who do you want to drive with?" Sid and James look at me for an answer, both of them hoping I choose them instead of the other.

"Rock, paper, scissors." I say bluntly. They both look at each other confused.

"What?" Sid stammers.

"You two play best out of 5. Whoever wins, well, that's who I'll drive with." I took the barstool next to me and planted my rear on it, my right hand was cradling my chin as I waited for the competition to begin.

"I so got this!" James cries out. Sid rolls his eyes and laughs.

"Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" They both say in unison.

This goes on for another 30 seconds. The verdict was in. With a score of 3-2, the winner was...

"Looks like it's me and you, James." I jump off the stool, grabbing my cardigan which was hanging on the door handle. I walk to Sid who was sunken in defeat. I place my hand on his firm chest and pat. "Better luck next time, champ." He shakes his head.

"Shall we?" James offers his arm to me, which I gladly take. I watch him as he flashes Sid the cockiest smile I've ever seen, Sid's face turning red with envy.

"We shall!"

***** Present Time *****

"Hey! Remember that night we first met?" I looked at James who was rummaging around his bedroom looking for something.

"What about it?" He was focused, his eyes on the prize. What the prize was I had no idea.

"You were such a dork. I remember that shirt you were wearing, it was absolutely hideous. Who knew that I'd be dating that guy." My stomach was beginning to hurt from laughing so hard. "I also remember it took you over a year to even ask me out on an actual date."

He stopped his search for a moment, his eyes on me spread across his king size bed. "Well Tess, you intimidated me." The corners of my mouth curled up and I crawled to the edge of his bed on my knees.

"Intimidated?" I was curious. No one has ever told me that I intimidated them, well, off the soccer field.

James pulled out a black packet from the bottom of his dresser drawer and flashes me the only condom he seems to have in his house. "I need to get more, I guess." He mumbles. He pushed away my previous question with ease.

"James. How did I intimidate you?" He walked over to the edge of the bed. He leaned in, his lips touching mine as his right hand settled on my hips.

"You were far too beautiful both emotionally and physically. I guess I just thought that you'd be more interested in a guy like Sid rather than a guy like me, so it took me a while." His mouth focused on my neck, then to my collarbone. His hand then slid up under my tank top.

Even James thought Sid and I would end up together. What is this? Why does everyone think that?!

"I had eyes only for you, babe. It drove me crazy when you didn't ask me out on a date after we first met. I thought I turned you off somehow!" I was feeling insecure, something I always try to hide from people, especially guys. James took his hands, one on each side of my face, he was looking at me intently.

"You could never turn me off. I wanted to ask you out so bad but Sid told me I should wait and get to know you better." He leans in to kiss me again when I push him away.

"Sid told you to wait?" I was pissed. Beyond pissed. I was furious! That whole night, I tried warming up to James, I let myself be loose around him. He made me laugh with his stupid jokes and there was nothing more I wanted then for him to ask me out. What started as a scary set-up by Sid ended up being one of the best things that happened that year.

"Why on earth would Sid, the guy that tried to hook us up anyway, tell you to wait?" I climbed off the bed, throwing the condom packet that was laying next to me, on James' beside table.

"He said he had this feeling that you weren't into me. He figured if we became friends that maybe you'd eventually give in and it would be easier to ask you out."

Standing by the window, I glance over at James, giving him the nod to continue his thought.

"Guess I should have listened to my gut. I mean, I thought we got along just peachy, I was really into you and it seemed you were into me. Guess it's bad judgement on Sid's part."

All of a sudden I start laughing. Like really laughing. Almost to the point where I'm crying. This is absolutely ridiculous.

"I was practically throwing myself on you! I have NEVER been that forward in my entire life. Where the fuck does Sid get the right to tell you when to ask me out?"

He stood there with a doe-eyed expression. "Babe, calm down." He walks over to me and I move away. "Tess. Talk to me, what's going on?" I couldn't take it anymore. All these years I've been hiding a secret and I'm just sick of having to deal with the consequences.

"This is a bad idea. I should go." I start walking downstairs towards the door, James inches behind me.

"What are you talking about? Tess!" I walk outside, my phone in my hand, dialing a car service to pick me up.

"Tessa."

I stop instantly, ending the call. The only person who calls me Tessa is my father.

"Come back inside. Obviously we need to talk."

"I don't think, right now, we need to talk about this. I don't want to be responsible..." Tears were swelling up in my eyes.

"Responsible for what?" He was standing infront of me, his finger lifting my chin as our eyes connected.

"Drama. James, it's complicated between Sid and I. And now you. I just can't deal with this anymore."

He kisses me once more before leading me back inside the house. I wasn't prepared at all for what was about to happen, the things I was about to say.

But for once, I need to be honest with someone. I guess the person I should start that with, is the person I love the most.


	3. Chapter 3

***** Flashback two years *****

I woke up the next morning with my phone ringing.

"What?" I mumble. The sun was shining in my darkened room, my eyes groggy. I drank too much last night. This is what a hangover feels like.

"How ya feelin?" I could tell by the voice that it was Sid. He always sounds so happy in the mornings; I hate it.

"Like shit. I shouldn't have went out last night." He was laughing through the phone.

"Did you have fun?"

What's with all these damn questions?

"I suppose so. Did I do anything regretful?" I'm known to do and say embarrassing things when I drink too much.

"Nah, Nealer helped me censor you, though he drank more than you. He was a grump at practice today."

They already had practice? I pull the sheets from over me and grab my alarm clock.

1pm. Damn.

"What time did I get home?" I forced myself up, slowly walking to the restroom to freshen up.

"Well you and Nealer left Local at 1am, I went straight home. He said this morning he got in at his place around 3am so I'm assuming you guys went somewhere else."

Oh god. I began looking around the trash cans in my bedroom, hoping I wouldn't find any evidence of what could have happened last night.

Nothing.

"Wanna grab dinner later?" He seemed fine. He probably didn't drink much, if at all.

"I'm hungry now." I grunted as I felt my stomach plead for food.

"Be there in 30." He hung up and I quickly jumped in the shower, the cold water could do me some good.

As I was getting dressed I heard a knock on my door. I ran downstairs and opened it wearing only a bra and panties only to find Sid staring.

"I need to hide my spare key better." I say as I turn back to the stairs. I could feel Sid's eyes on me and I continued walking around barely naked. Never was I ashamed of my body.

"I never noticed that scar before..." Sid's voice trailed off as I turned around looking at him. "That scar right above the small of your back." He continued.

"Old soccer injury. Got a boot to my back, chick got banned for 12 games and I had to get 15 stitches." He shrugged.

Back at my closet, I pull out a pair of blue jeans, quickly sliding them up my legs. I grabbed one of the 412 shirts Sid got me last year. Suddenly, my phone began ringing.

Sid leaped off my bed in search for the hidden iPhone. "Hey, it's Nealer." He says annoyed. I hobbled over to Sid grabbing my phone from his hands and promptly putting the receiver to my ear.

"Hey James, what's up?" I could see Sid inching closer hoping he could eavesdrop on the call. I shake him away, turning my back to him while I zip up my jeans.

"Yeah I'm busy tonight but I can do tomorrow afternoon, maybe after your practice?" I glanced over my shoulder and Sid had his arms crossed and a determined look on his face.

"Sounds good. Just pick me up on your way from the arena." I say my goodbye to James, ending the call. I get on my knees looking under my bed for my favorite pair of flats.

"So you got a date tomorrow?" Sid's voice was audibly envious. He gets so worked up sometimes.

"Yup." My voice muffled from my head being buried under my bed.

"With Nealer?"

I find my flats, crawling out from under the abyss. I slip my feet into the shoes and walk past Sid, grabbing my house keys that are laying on my dresser.

"And you're smiling. You have a date with Nealer and you're happy?" Sid was following me down the stairs trying his best to keep up.

"What's the big deal, Sid? I don't know if it's a date, we're just going out for lunch it's not like he's asking me to marry him." I could hear the footsteps behind me cease and I turn around to see Sid stopped in place.

"Do you like him?" He asks.

"I'm not sure. I was kind of indisposed last night to remember but form before the bar, he seemed like a cool guy." I flash him a smile s I open the front door waiting for him. "Plus, you were the one to introduce us. No need getting jealous."

He walks past me out of the door. "I'm not jealous." He huffs loudly.

***** Present Time *****

"So ever since that night, things haven't been the same between Sid and I." I took a deep breath, relif was pouring over me. Finally I told someone what has really been going on with Sid and I.

Only I wish it was my best friend Max and not by boyfriend. Let alone, the teammate of Sid.

James was staring at me, looking for something in my eyes. Something that could tell him everything he needed to know.

"Ask away, babe." I tell him. I know he has questions, hell, even I have questions.

He sighs hard, his breath echoing through is house. "Were you ever attracted to him?" He wouldn't even look at me, his eyes were focused on his lap.

"In the beginning, yes. The more we spent time together, the more I liked him but he made it very clear early on that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Of course that was the year the Pens won the cup. But when Sid wanted to try 'us' out, I wasn't ready."

I could tell this was painful for him to hear. For all he knows, I could still have feelings for Sid.

"I wasn't ready to be in a relationship until..." I grabbed James' hand, our fingers intertwining in each other. "Well until I met you. The moment we went on our first date I was hooked to your dorky charm."

He was still looking at his lap but I could see a smile appear.

"James, nothing is there. Over the years, those feelings strictly became a long-lasting friendship. I'd do anything for that guy but there's only some things that I do only with people I love."

Who knew that a four-letter word could change the mood instantly. James' eyes quickly met mine, his smile getting bigger. I wish I could have taken that back.

"I mean, well, I didn't mean that. Not yet. What I meant to say was, eventually, I could see me saying that word to you. Jesus, I really need to censor myself sometimes!"

James leaned over kissing me. His hand found my knee and began trailing up my left leg. James was forcing the kiss deeper and I succumbed to it. I go to motion my hand up his leg when he stops me.

"I don't expect you to say it yet..." I stare at him starkly. "But I want you to know that whatever you feel, I feel. I'm falling hard and I sound like a teenage boy but its true." I felt myself get butterflies in my stomach.

"Tess, you're an amazing woman and any guy who doesn't fight for what or who he wants, doesn't deserve it." Somehow I felt that was a jab at Sid.

"I like this whole honesty thing we're doing." The once 'I'm about to tell you I love you look' became the 'I want to rip your clothes off look'.

I grab James hand as I stand up. "I believe we have some unfinished business." I winked at him suggestively. He jumped off the couch, picking me up over his shoulders and ran to his bedroom.

"Shall we?" He asked as he threw me on his bed.

"We shall."


	4. Chapter 4

***** Present Time *****

James crawled on top of me, his mouth trailing the contours of my body. His kiss was soft but eager, he loved to work me up. I moved my hips up, allowing him to remove my pants. He stared at me with lust.

"No panties. I like."

"I forgot to pack an extra pair after the game." I say trying to justify myself going commando. "Looks like my mistake came to good use." I winked at him.

James buried his face in between my legs without warning. His lips kissing the inside of my thighs as his thumb worked my center. His touch felt so good, so natural and his pace was perfect.

I moan in pleasure only to excite James even more. His thumb was reached with the pressure of his tongue. Slowly he was moving up and down, his right hand was massaging my inner thigh.

"My favorite dessert." He mumbles as I moan louder with every lick and nibble. The anticipation was killing me and my climax was coming soon. He could feel it. He inserted two fingers inside of me, a jolt of pleasure running throughout my body.

"Oh baby..." I gasp breathlessly. His pace quickened and his tongue worked fast as he began moaning inside me, almost taking me to my brink.

In and out, in and out, his fingers found the target zone and they weren't relenting.

"I'm gonna come, James." I warn him.

He stops suddenly, looking at me with hungry eyes. He licked his lips before sucking my juices off his fingers.

"You're to allowed to come yet, Tess." He kissed his way up to my neck before finding my mouth and shoving his tongue inside.

He was such a great kisser.

"I want you, Tess. All of you." He whispered in my ear. I sat up on the bed, grabbing James belt buckle and quickly undoing the clasp. In one shot he slipped my tank top off, throwing it to the floor.

James and I never went past foreplay before. For the first time since we've been dating, we were going to finally have sex, just a day later than we had originally planned.

I removed my bra as James ferociously took off his pants and boxer briefs. I let out a gasp when I saw him completely naked; his body was lean and his tattoo looking even more sexier than I had imagined.

"Can you work with this?" He asked curious. As if I couldn't.

"I think I'll manage just fine." I couldn't stop staring at him. I probably looked like some timid virgin.

"You're such a smart ass." He falls onto me, his hands forcefully grabbing my hips and pulling towards him.

"I think you deserve some personal time." I push him off me to the side as I straddle him. "A late celebration for your hat trick the other night." I grabbed his hard cock, slowly licking from the base to the top in one stroke.

I worked my hands up and down his shaft, licking the bead of pre-cum from the tip. "Tasty." I say looking up at him. He was staring at me and he was tense. He was grabbing the sheets beneath him.

Sexually frustrated James is the sexiest James. I begin teasing his cock with my tongue, matching the pressure with my hands as his groans became huskier and loud.

"Jesus Tess..." I shift my eyes up to see his head laying flat and his bearded jaw clenched in arousal.

I loved teasing him, so much that I began feeling aroused. I needed to hurry and finish James off so I began increasing my pace. I took him in deep, deeper than I ever before. His moan was a sign of approval. His hand found my head as he grabbed my hair, twisting it around his fist.

A few seconds more and he would climax. "Babe, I'm gonna..." Before he could finish his load filled up my mouth. Salty and sweet, I swallowed the creamy liquid before cleaning up his cock with my tongue.

He wasted no time switching activities. He flipped me over so I was on my knees. "Feisty Nealer." I squeal as his hands squeezed my hips. I could feel his cock rub against my sweet spot.

Again with the teasing.

"I've been waiting all week to do this, Tess." His finger was massaging me from behind. I cradled my head in between my arms which were resting beneath me.

"Enough talking." I stammer. He gently slapped my ass before thrusting deep inside me. I yell out a cry. "Fuuuuuuck!" I heard a laugh from behind. It was by far the most painful thing I've ever felt, he was so rough but it felt so damn good. Unlike anything I've ever felt before.

He withdrew his cock, flipping me on my back. He grabbed my left leg, hiking it over his right shoulder as he readjusted himself.

"Ready?"

I nod in reply. This time his thrust was even quicker and it felt like my insides erupted. It didn't take long for him to find my pleasure zone. I moaned with every thrust and I began circling my hips counter clockwise.

"You feel so tight, baby." He pants. He leaned down, his hand massaging my breast. I took my free hand, setting it between my legs, stroking my clit as he penetrated.

I could feel my release coming. I began tightening myself around him making James groan. "Fuck baby. Do that again." He pleads and I oblige. He tilts his head back, his pace never faltering and his thrusts going deeper and deeper.

"James..." I whisper. I pull James closer to me, the angle of his cock changing making it even more unbearable. "James, I'm close." I whimper. My legs were feeling numb and my back was arched.

"Together, Tess." He slows down, the change of pace being exactly what I needed.

"James!" I yell out, not giving one care of who could hear. Seconds later James found his release. "Fuuuuck Tess!" He collapsed on top of me, both of us out of breath like we just finished a marathon.

I looked over at him, his chest heaving and his breath strained. James leaned over, his left hand resting on my stomach as he kissed me.

"I'm glad we waited, all the build up made it completely insane!" I kissed him back, my fingers playing with his curls.

"I love you." I say without hesitation. They say you connect deeply with someone who you've had great sex with and James was that guy. Minutes ago I was telling him that I could love him and now, I do love him. I wasn't afraid for him to know it and I wasn't afraid to say it.

His finger swept my hair out of my face and he looked into my eyes.

"I'm madly in love with you Tess Mariot."

***** One year ago *****

Rumors circulated that Sid and I were dating. It was all over the news and Internet, photos of us hanging out at Local were plastered around fan sites and tumblr.

"It only took the media two years to start questioning us?" I was munching on some popcorn that Sid made for our weekly afternoon movie marathon.

"Apparently we make the perfect couple." He pulled up a hockey girlfriends message board. Of course, he had his own. I walked over to see him scrolling through the comments.

"She is soooooo pretty! They look adorable together."

"She's just with him for the fame. Money grubbing bitch."

"Her brothers play in the NHL too, I doubt she's looking for fame with Sid. They look happy together."

I rolled my eyes. Some people just have nothing better to do than talk about other people's personal lives.

"Sid, I'm only with you for your millions." I say planting a kiss on his cheek. That was one thing about Sid I loved, we were so comfortable around each other.

"I gotta go anyway, I have a hot date with a soccer ball." Sid stands up quickly, grabbing my arm just as I'm about to exit his house.

"Hey! What the-" Sid plants his lips on mine, his tongue spreading my mouth. I felt my legs go weak as his hand was holding me upright.

He pulled away looking for a response.

"Ummm. Sid. I have to go." I left as soon as I could trying to remain as calm as I could.

Pulling out of his driveway, Sid was still standing there. From what I could see, he looked hopeless.

As I got to the stadium for practice my phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Nealer!" I tried to compose myself, I was still shocked from what happened.

"What's up?"

"I was wondering if you'd wanna catch a movie later? My treat."

"Not sure that's a good idea right now." I needed to talk to Sid about what happened.

"Oh come on. It's just a movie. I promise I don't bite, unless you're into that."

I started laughing. God he was so adorable. How could I say no to that?

"Charming. I have practice till 5. Make it dinner and a movie and I'll say yes."

"It's a date. I'll be at your house around 5:45."

I couldn't help from smiling. I don't know what it was but James was so persuasive.

"Tess!" I hear a call from behind me. I see Max running towards me.

"Why the huge smile?" She nudged my arm.

"You know that guy that plays with Sid? James Neal?"

She nods. "The guy you met like a year ago? The cutie?"

"Yeah! Well, I have a date with him tonight." I must have stopped smiling because Max began pressuring me for information.

"Tess. What did you do this time?"

"Sid kissed me. Like really kissed me."

Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head.

"This could be an issue."


	5. Chapter 5

***** Flashback ONE ago *****

Throughout James and I's date, I couldn't help but think of that kiss. I should be enjoying myself, and I am, but all I see is the look Sid gave me after he pulled away. It was like he was trying to tell me something but was too afraid to say it out loud.

"Tess? You there?" James is waving his hands in front of me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking about something."

"Uh oh. I hope you're not imagining me naked, I don't think you could handle that just yet!" He flashed me a warm smile.

I challenge him almost instantly.

"I don't think you're ready for this jelly." I motion my hands down my body trying to be as over the top as I possibly could.

"You exude sex appeal, Tess." he starts laughing. "And was that Destiny's Child?" He sat back drinking the half empty bottle of Bud Light, holding his gaze with mine.

"Of course not, my body is just too bootylicious for ya babe." I wink at him almost causing him to choke on his beer.

"I like funny girls, Tess." James leans forward, his elbows resting on the table and his hands clutched under his chin.

"What are you trying to say ?" I throw him a sheepish smile.

"You're pretty cool, that's all." He sat back in his chair, adjusting his position. He frowned when he noticed I was staring. "Hey, so what movie did you want to see?" He changed the subject rapidly.

"Whatever you'd like James. Though I can't promise I'll keep my hands off you." Every move I made was real. I was beginning to like James and even though it seemed he liked me too, when I got too flirty he'd back off.

Something wasn't right.

"Ah well, perhaps we should see a G-rated movie, just to prevent you from taking advantage of me in a dark theater." There he goes again. He's so confusing to read!

After dinner we head over to a drive-in right outside of the city. A perfect getaway fro a Penguin to take his date without all the media attention. The lots were completely packed and all the spots up front were filled leaving James to park his car behind a giant truck.

"What a view," the sarcasm was dripping from my words.

"Do you wanna stay? Maybe we can sneak up front!" He shifted in the driver's seat, his arms occupying the arm rest. He was determined to keep this date going and I wasn't about to be the party pooper.

"I'll follow you."

Both of us exit his car, hand in hand, we sneak up to the swings just right of the huge screen. It reminded me of that scene from Grease, only without the music or the cheesy dancing hotdog commercial.

"What movie is this we're watching?" I swirl my swing around like I used to when I was a kid.

"Honestly. I don't know. I just didn't want to take you home yet." He copied me exactly, twisting the steel chain link.

I felt a buzz from my pocket. Untwisting my swing I dig for my phone; it was Sid.

"You can take that if you need to." He suggests. "I know you're a very in demand woman."

"Nah, it's nothing. I'll talk to them later." I push my phone back into my pocket.

"Oh Tess. I can tell when a girl is distracted, though usually I'm the one distracting them." His pearly white teeth shine in the dark and that literally was all I could see of him. He was nothing more than a dark figure.

"You're full of yourself Neal." I say with a deadpan delivery. "I know this isn't how you really act."

"I'm not used to dating, I guess. Well, dating one girl at a time." From what I could see, he was looking down, his feet kicking the rocks beneath him.

"So you really do get around?" Anybody who's anybody knows that hockey players have reputations. James Neal seems to have one too.

A womanizer.

"If that's what people are saying about me." He sighs.

"People are dicks. Most of these people are probably teenage girls who have no life and are jealous that they haven't married you yet." I've seen the message boards. Even after I met Sid I checked talk-sports to see what people were saying about him so naturally I did the same for James.

Though the girls on James' board aren't very supportive of anything he does beside hockey.

"They don't even know me." He finishes.

"I know you well enough that you aren't what they say you are. But James, you don't need to impress me." I interject.

"But I do. I'm sure I'm not the only guy interested in you." I couldn't tell if he could see my facial features so I tried not to show much of a reaction, especially after the rumors in the paper about me and Sid.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I giggle.

"Of course you do. I know what the papers are saying about you and Sid. I can read," he scoffs.

"Sid and I are just friends."

"Sometimes I think Sid actually likes you, Tess. I can't blame him. How can I compare to him?" He says evenly.

"You can't compare to him. He's an amazing guy and he's my friend. I don't date friends and I certainly don't go swinging at a drive-in movie theatre with my friends either." He started laughing.

"This is a lame date, I know. I promise to make it up to you when we get back from New York." The guys had a game against the Islanders this week.

"Believe me, this is one of the best dates I've been on in a long time. You owe me nothing except a bag of popcorn. I can't watch movies without popcorn."

He jumps out of the swing, nearly falling in the process. "Extra butter?" I nod my head yes as he runs off to the concession stand.

I grabbed my phone quickly, checking my messages.

S: I'm sorry about earlier, I'm an ass.

I text him back.

T: It was unexpected. Sid, I think we need to talk about this.

Seconds later I got a reply. He must have been waiting.

S: Nothing to talk about, that stupid article got me worked up. I have no feelings for you anymore.

What a zinger. No feelings for me anymore; I had no idea he still had feelings for me.

T: Well enjoy your trip tomorrow.

Almost a full minute passed before he texted back.

S: Enjoy your date with James.

I quickly spun around looking for a black SUV.

T: How do you know -

Before I could finish my text James appeared beside me with two bags of popcorn and two waters.

"Extra popcorn for the pretty lady texting." He hands me my treats, taking the swing next to me. I laugh in response.

"Just business. Early practice tomorrow." I lied. I didn't have practice tomorrow. It wasn't even soccer season yet!

He flashed me a smile before shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth, his eyes focused on the movie.

I flicked a kew kernels in my mouth, the extra butter making the popcorn melt instantly on my tongue. I wanted to ask James if he mentioned to Sid that I was out with him but if he didn't, that means Sid is here watching us.

Either way, I feel like someone is watching me.


	6. Chapter 6

***** Present Time *****

A week has passed since James and I told each other those three words that every couple is afraid to say first.

'I love you'.

Needless to say, tension was high not long afterwards.

"So how's everything going between you two after that night?" Max turned up the incline on her treadmill.

"A little awkward. This whole week has been stressful." I was waiting to be called up to the National Team for our up and coming training camp but so far, the roster hasn't been announced.

"And I guess the Pens getting sweeped didn't help either."

"Probably not."

"Is he taking it hard?" Both Max and I lower our speeds to 2.5 mph for our cool down.

"He wanted to win a cup. They all did, it's just too soon to even talk about it with him."

"Did you wait up for him when they got back?"

"Yeah. It was pretty emotional. I felt so bad for him and the team, they fought so hard. As a fan I was bitter, I wanted them to kill the Bruins after what they did to the Leafs. We just laid in each other's arms in silence. Neither of us knew what to say."

It was the first time James was in the playoffs and he had high expectations. We always had one rule - never talk about hockey or soccer. Not once did we ever sit down and discuss how the Pens were doing or how the Panthers were fairing in the season.

We have this look, a look that we give each other to let the other one know that'll it'll be okay. That was the second time I ever had to give him that look. The last time was when he got his concussion.

It was our unspoken rule.

"Have you talked to Sid?" I shook my head no.

"Has he tried calling you?" Again, another no.

"You know how Sid is." I try to defend his absence. It was unlike Sid to not call or text me after situations like these. With him, we talked about everything.

"I blame it on the jaw protector. The Pens played great till the doc's told him it was okay to play without it." Max was very superstitious as is any athlete but Max is on a whole other level.

"You probably shouldn't say that to him." I laugh as I walk off the treadmill. Sweat was pouring from my face, I hadn't run that long in a long time.

After our shower, Max and I headed home. My bedroom was filled with boxes that still needed to be packed and transported to James' house or to storage.

"I still can't believe you're moving! It's been one hell of a ride, Tess." She was sitting on my papasan chair, her legs crossed under her and a soccer ball in her hands.

"It's a huge step for sure but I'm ready." She flashes me a somber smile. We're best friends and for some reason, it felt like I was moving to another state. "I'll only be about 25 minutes outside of the city!" I say trying to cheer her up.

The doorbell rang and Max ran downstairs. I could hear faint mumbles but they weren't clear enough to make a voice out.

"Someone's here to see you." I turn around and see Sid standing against the door frame.

I set my trophies in the box marked 'fragile' before greeting him.

It's only been two days after the Pens lost and Sid has already shaven and gotten a haircut. I always hated when the guys shaved their beards, even Sid. It might not be the most impressive work of facial hair, unlike James', but he looks so adorable with it.

"Locker clean out day today which I'm sure you're aware of." His tone was monotonous. "I drove by to see if you wanted to grab a bite or something. Unless you have plans."

"Nah, I'm free." This was a little awkward.

"No Nealer?" He asked curiously.

"He's heading out with Paulie, Geno and TK, so I'm all yours." He smiles instantly. I finish loading my first suitcase, Max and Sid head downstairs talking about his plans for the off-season.

I dial James' number, hoping he answers.

"Hey babe." He sounds lonely and bored.

"So I won't be able to make it to dinner tonight. Max wants to grab a bite before we head out tomorrow so I won't be over till late."

"Oh. Well, okay. I understand, I'll order in. Need me to stop by and pick up your bags? Saves us one last stop before the airport."

"I still have to finish packing my last one, we'll just grab it on the way tomorrow."

For some reason, I was gifted with a talent for telling white lies. It's not something I do very often and technically I wasn't lying. I was going to be late, I was going out to dinner, I just forgot to mention it was with Sid and not Max.

He didn't even say the 'L' word either. Maybe we're forgetting that night or something.

Downstairs, Max and Sid were sitting at the breakfast bar laughing about something. She must have told him one of her so called 'jokes'. Sid turns to me, a smile across his face, his jawline looking so prominent and sculpted.

"Max, can I talk to you for a sec?" I nod her over to the corridor of the bathroom.

"What's up?" She asks with curiosity.

"If James calls, you and I are together. Better yet if he calls, just let it ring." She gave me the concerned mother look, you know, the one that your mom makes when she knows you're up to something fishy.

"Tess...I'm up to lying to your boyfriend."

"I told him I was going out to dinner with you before I left tomorrow. Only, I used your name and not Sid's."

She rolled her eyes. I could sense her disapproval.

"Well that's a mistake right there, Tess. What's going on between you two so much that you can't even tell him you're hanging out with your friend? Is he some jealous nutcase? He has nothing to worry about, it's just Sid!"

She spoke too loudly as Sid appeared from the kitchen.

"Someone say my name?" He asks amused. His ears burning no doubt.

I give Max a dirty look.

"Nothing. We should go, I'm starving." Sid nods in agreement. He turns to Max giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Those Maritime boys and their manners. Max catches my arm before I'm out of the door.

"If James calls, I'll let you know." I smile at her, words couldn't express my feelings right then. "But just so you know, this is the last time I'm bailing you out." She hisses. Max was dead serious, her poker face was impenetrable.

"It won't happen again. I promise."

Sid and I ate at our favorite place, a secret Dim-Sum joint not far away from the Consol Energy Center. We were regulars after all and the waitress always knew what we wanted. Every single time.

We kept the conversation casual as always. I mean, we only live about 20 minutes away from each other back home in Nova Scotia anyway so this isn't really a goodbye.

"So I overheard that you're moving in with James." He rarely ever calls James by his first name.

"Did he say anything to you?"

"No, he was talking to Duper and Kuni. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't know I had to Mr. Crosby." The mood changed instantly, suddenly this felt like an interrogation rather than two friends eating dinner. Why is he bringing this up, why now?

"Don't call me that." He says annoyed.

"Don't go digging into my personal life either." I couldn't help but feel like I was playing a game with Sid. Cat vs Mouse. I was the mouse and Sid was the cat, always finding ways to trump my happiness.

"You never used to be like this Sid. Ever since that night..." He cut me off in mid-sentence.

"I thought we agreed to forget about that?"

"We did BUT some how it's still haunting us. I wish you were your old self again." I played with the two chopsticks resting next to my bowl of miso soup. I could never use the damn things!

"I was fine until..." He paused himself. "Nevermind."

I looked at Sid who was looking at me. He looked helpless, alone and tired. I could tell he hadn't gotten much sleep.

"We need to be honest with each other Sid. That's what friends do." I reach for his hand across the table, he tightened his grip quickly.

"How come you told Nealer that Max was your dinner date and not me?"

I took my hand from Sid's, shifting back in my seat. Confusion blanketed over my face.

"I'm not deaf, Tess. My lack of bottom teeth hasn't affected my hearing." He let out a small laugh at his own expense. I didn't know what to say or how to even answer his question. Things were rough right now between James and I. After the whole 'lets tell each other how we really feel' and the huge loss against the Bruins, he's been distant.

"Not sure. It's just bad timing, I guess."

"How so?" He presses.

"There's a lot going on between us relationship wise. We both said things and now I'm moving in with him, spending most of the summer with him. Plus the sweep didn't help the situation either."

Sid looked at me frustrated. I shouldn't have brought the playoffs up, he takes everything personally. Especially hockey.

"You love him, don't you?" I hesitated answering the question.

"Yeah. I guess I do."

"I'm happy for you." He says automatically but I'm not convinced. He picked up the tab as the waitress waited for her usual hefty tip. The drive back to my house was silent and awkward. Sid pulls up to the house, the front porch light was on and I could see a shadowy figure rise from inside.

"I hate how we've become, Sid. The tension is killing us." I whisper.

"Then fix it." He says before exiting his car and opening my door. I slipped out placing my hand on the top of the door frame.

"I'll see you in a couple weeks when you get into town." He was pretending the whole conversation never happened and I could tell he was forcing a smile.

"Will do." I lean in and give him a hug, his cologne overtaking my senses. Sid's hand fell on the small of my back as he pressed me closer to him.

"Have a safe flight." He whispers into my ear, making me shiver.

I walk up to the house watching Sid drive away. Once he was out of sight I opened the door, only to be greeted by someone unexpected.

"How was dinner with Max?"

James was sitting on the back of the couch while Max was standing 5 feet behind him with a look of guilt on her face.

I was caught red-handed and I wasn't prepared to explain myself.


	7. Chapter 7

I quickly packed my last bag for the summer while he was sitting in the empty chair staring out the window.

The drive home was unbearable.

I wasn't sure if I should talk or wait for him, either way, I wish I wasn't there.

James pulled up to the house, the lights turning on as we pulled into the garage. He popped the trunk and carried my bags inside. The house was a mess, he didn't even attempt to clean up, the sink was flooded with dirty dishes and the couch had crumbs on it.

How am I suppose to deal with this clutter every day?

I start cleaning, a brush in one hand and the mini vacuum in the other, I was on a mission to get this house spotless before we left tomorrow even if it meant staying up all night.

"So are we going to pretend like tonight didn't happen or are we going to talk about it?" James was sitting at the island in the kitchen, his Pirates snapback facing backwards. He wasn't making eye contact.

I grabbed the bare plate sitting on the placemat in front of him. He stopped me.

"Tess, we need to talk." He pleads.

"I'm sorry but there's nothing to talk about." The drive home made me realize that I didn't do anything wrong. Okay, so I might have lied about who I was with but it's not like I was with Sid to make out or anything.

Just two friends eating dinner. I don't freak out when he goes out with Paulie or Kuni.

"You lied to me. You were with Sid not Max. Why didn't you just tell me you were going with him?"

"I knew you'd overreact. You haven't been the same since you told me you...since you guys got eliminated."

"It fucking sucks losing, babe. I've never been this close to the Stanley, ya know? But lying to me about being with Sid is what really pisses me off." He huffs.

"I don't know why you're making a big deal about this. It's just Sid." Clearly he doesn't understand that.

"That's my point. It's Sid. Sidney Crosby, the guy who really wants to be with you."

I slam the dishes into the water-filled sink, turning to him with fiery eyes. "Are you kidding me right now? You're bringing this up again?!"

This wasn't the first time that Sid became an issue. I literally just found out that Sid was responsible for James' lack of confidence around me but to find out that my boyfriend is worried my friend might try to steal me from him is just ridiculous.

"Yeah I am. Tess, he has it bad for you! You don't know how bad but we barely talk anymore since you and I started dating. The fact that you even have to hide that you guys hang out, it makes me fucking worried!"

"Worried about what? Me leaving you for him? Get real James, I'd never do that." On the verge of tears, I turn my back away from him, hiding my vulnerability. Showing emotion was always a hard thing for me to do but recently, I've been on this gigantic emotional roller coaster.

"Babe, don't cry, come on. I'm sorry I'd accuse you of that, guess I'm just some insecure punk when it comes to you." He laughs it off.

"For the last time. Sid and I are JUST friends, I wish people would understand that!" The past few years were always like this. I'd go home for a holiday and my family would ask how Sid was and my mom would badger me into why I wasn't dating him.

His folks would do the exact same thing, though Troy was more laid-back about it than Trina or Taylor.

Both Sid and I always laughed it off because we liked to play our friendship up. We always flirt with each other and at the time, we were both single so we could get away with it. But now that I'm in a relationship, it's getting harder to deal with and I can tell it's even worse for Sid.

"I'll never bring it up again, Tess. I know you two are close but I just wish that you could be that close with me." He sighs, his arms wrapping around my stomach and his head resting on my right shoulder.

"Maybe a vacation away from Pittsburgh will do the trick." I turn around in his arms. "I can't wait to spend the summer with your family and more importantly, you." He smiles and I kiss his lips, his arms wrapping tighter around me.

"You're gonna live Whitby. Maybe you can even get some training in with me in Toronto. Gary said he'd love to work with you!" His eyes widened in excitement. I nod yes and he pulls me into a hug.

We spent the rest of the night talking about Whitby, he wants to give me the grand tour. He was telling me about the lake he usually hangs out at with his childhood friends and he was bragging about his sister, Becca. He was like a little school boy, the way he talked about his home, his friends and his family was just the cutest thing ever.

***** The next day *****

The flight to Toronto from Pittsburgh was a short one, only about an hour and a half total. We arrived at TPIA just after 1:35pm and he had a rental car waiting for us since his only other car was back in the 'Burgh.

The drive to Whitby took about 30 minutes. The town was pretty nice and modern, I could picture James running around wreaking havoc. He pulled up to this giant house right on the lake, cars were everywhere, preventing us from finding a decent spot close to the house.

"Having a party or something?" I ask looking around for an empty lot.

"Just my friends and family, they do this every year I come back home." He pulls the rental Jeep into a tiny spot located infront of a huge tree.

I climb out of the Jeep, stretching my stiffened legs from the flight in. I've always felt uncomfortable in airplanes with my long legs. James grabs the luggage from behind our seats and grabs my hand.

"You ready?" He looks at me, his sunglasses hiding his eyes. I've only met James' parents once, when they came to town and it was before we even started dating. It was after he had signed a six-year contract with the Pens.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I take a deep breath.

"WELCOME HOME!" At least 100 people were packed into the living room, each of them holding up a beer in the air. It was a bit overwhelming to see all these people who are probably wondering who the hell am I.

The first people I spot out are his parents, Peter and Deborah. His mom rushes over planting a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

"Nice to see you again, Tess." Peter flashes me a smug grin before Deborah moves him out of the way to look at me.

"So he finally snatched you up! Welcome to Whitby, dear." She wraps her arms around me. I catch James staring, trying not to laugh.

"Mom, please don't suffocate my girlfriend." He pleads and she unleashes me from her grip.

"Girlfriend? Are you going to introduce us, bro?" Three guys were standing in front of me, alongside James.

"Tess, these are my idiot brothers, Nick, Pete and Mike." They lend their hands out for a shake and I couldn't stop staring at the resemblance between James and Pete. Holy shit this is weird.

"Nice to meet you guys, outside of twitter."

"Sorry you have to put up with Jamesy's bad hygiene habits." Mike rubs his hand over James' head, referring to how he only washes his hair once a week. That boy will never live that down.

"Hey! Since we started dating, I've been getting better when it comes to my hair thank you very much." So defensive he was. "I just don't want my hair to fall out." James runs his fingers through his brown, now shoulder length, hair.

"Sometimes I freak myself out by imagining what he'd look like bald. It's hilarious." I say and everyone bursts into laughter except James who just stands there looking annoyed.

"Very funny, guys." He looks to his mom, "Where's Beck?" She points to the back patio where all the younger kids are at. He grabs my hand and leads me through the huge crowd. Everyone wants to stop James and chat but he politely turns them down momentarily.

We get outside, the view of Lake Ontario basking in the sun was absolutely beautiful. It's not as pretty as Halifax Harbour but it's pretty damn close.

"Beck!" James yells and a tall girl with long blonde hair turns around. She smiles and starts running towards us. I felt James drop my hand and she jumps on James as he twirls her around, his arms holding her tightly like he was afraid to drop her.

"I've missed you!" She tells him. It was refreshing to see how close James and his sister was, to be honest, it made me miss my brothers like crazy. It's been MONTHS since I last seen them all.

"Beck, I want you to meet someone special. This is Tess." She turns to me, shaking my hand with a smile as big as the lake behind her. "Nice to finally meet you! I'm a huge fan, that goal you scored for Canada in the World Cup was breathtaking!"

"James didn't tell me you were a soccer fan." I was humbled. It's not everyday I get people walking up to and telling me their a fan, especially in the company of a Pittsburgh Penguin.

"Oh Jamesy. I'm a huge fan, I play at my school."

"She never took to hockey like the rest of us." James said looking proud as he hugged his little sister.\

"You played hockey though, didn't you?" She must have done her homework.

"I played for 8 years then I decided I loved soccer a bit more."

"Well, you're an amazing player. I wish I was a good as you." She confesses.

"Looks like we might have more competition in two-touch now, huh James?" His brothers form a line behind me, Pete wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Care for a little game, Tess?" He asks.

"Of course. Bring it on." There was six of us, three on each team. Myself, Pete and Mike while Becca, James and Nick took the other team. Each team had a designated soccer player (i.e Becca and I) and a guy who sucked which was James and Mike.

We play for about 10 minutes, quickly eliminating Mike, Nick and Becca. It was James, Pete and myself, I was facing the look-a-likes and Pete was my competition.

"You're pretty good for a hockey player." My insult hits Pete hard because when I kicked the ball to him, he dropped it.

"Fuck!" He yells. Then it was just me and James, facing off. The guy with bad hips who isn't very limber.

"And here we have, Canada's Women's National Team Soccer player Tess Mariot facing her scrawny boyfriend, Pittsburgh Penguins star, James 'The Real Deal' Neal; the man who has no future as a two-touch champion!" Nick commentates.

Everyone who was once inside mingling, is now outside checking out the commotion.

I tried to take it easy on James, keeping the ball as straight as I could, I couldn't let him feel embarrassed infront of his hometown crowd. I flipped the ball under my leg and popped it forward towards him, a classic freestyle soccer move.

"Quit showing off, babe." He quips.

"The tension between the two is very high, not sure if it's professional or sexual, hard to tell." Mike joins in the commentary.

"Perhaps a bit of both!" Pete chimes in. Becca starts laughing. I kick the ball with the top of my foot which curved the ball to the right. James scrambles to find the rebound.

"Mariot wins! As usual." I throw my hands in the air in victory.

"Next time, Nealer." I hug my competitor as he buries his head in my neck as a sign of defeat.

"You owe me." He whispers seductively in my ear making me blush quite noticeably.

James grabs my hand, kissing the top of it making the entire crowd swoon.

"Speech, speech, speech!" A chant erupts from the people surrounding us. James hushes everyone, still holding my hand he walks over to the stairs of the back patio.

"I just want to thank you all for all your support. I love coming home and seeing everyone again." The crowd claps. "I'd just like to introduce you all to this amazing woman standing next to me," he shifts his eyes to me. I feel exposed up here.

"Tess Mariot, one of the kindest person I've met while in Pittsburgh. As most of you know, she's a VERY talented soccer player for the Canadian Women's team," some of the party-goers whistle while so shout 'Go Canada'!

"She comes from a huge hockey family, her dad being a NHL legend and one of my hockey idols growing up and her two oldest brothers respectfully playing in the NHL too. I just want you all to treat her like she's a part of the Whitby community, even if she's from the Maritimes." Some people burst out in joking 'boos!' Some people just don't like Eastern Canada but it's not like I'm from Newfoundland.

"I love her," he pauses. I glance over at him, tightening my grip around his hand. "I hope that one day, she'll be a part of my life for good." He looks at me worried of my reaction. I stand beside him showing no emotion until I shift my eyes to his. The corners of my mouth curl, surprised and relieved that he felt the same way I felt about him.

"Thank you all for everything, the support and love, I'm proud to be a Whitby boy!" The crowd cheers and claps. I lean into James and whisper in his ear.

"You have some explaining to do, Nealer." I giggle.

James and I were separated most of the night talking to every single person in the room. They wanted to know what it was like growing up with my family, how it was playing with the National team and some of them even asked if I was friends with Sidney Crosby. I assume they just asked him about hockey stuff.

I had a couple seconds of alone time when Deborah waved to me to follow her into the kitchen. I opened the saloon style doors and she was standing there pouring two glasses of red wine.

"You look a bit overwhelmed, dear. Have some wine, relax." I graciously cup the glass in my hands and take a long sip.

"Thank you." I take a seat at the stool next to me.

"James really likes you. Looks like everyone here does too." She says casually.

"The people here are so genuine, I've never been here before but it's very homey." I take another drink. "James is an amazing guy, really."

"He's never brought home a girl before, not to an event as big as this. I can tell he is really enamored with you. It's so cute." She smiles.

"I am of him as well."

"I just hope this relationship will last longer than his other relationships. We all really like you, Tess. You fit him perfectly and it would be a shame to see this fall apart." She touches the top of my hand which was resting on the granite tabletop. Deborah grabs her glass of wine and heads back to the living room where the party is settling down.

I wasn't sure what she meant by his last relationships because he told me his last girlfriend was over 4 years ago.

Unless he has his own little secret.


	8. Chapter 8

James was laying next to me, his hand resting on his stomach. I pulled the comforter off me and stretched beside the bed. I needed to get a run in before anyone woke up.

7am. Just me and the darkness.

I had only a few weeks left until I headed to Vancouver for national team training camp so I needed to stay in decent shape and running was the easiest option right now.

The conversation between James' mom and I keeps replaying in my head.

"His other relationships."

He never mentioned any past flings with anyone and I guess we never really talked about it either.

After my run, I sneak through the back patio, slowly running up the stairs to our bedroom so I can get a quick shower in. He was still passed out, this time his leg was hanging out from under the bed sheets.

I quickly undress and step in the shower stall, the hot water gently burning my skin. It felt good, a lot better than those ice baths I had to take all the time.

The bathroom was foggy, acting like a make-shift sauna and I sat on the counter with a towel wrapped around me. I haven't gotten a lot of alone time these past few weeks so I take all the chances I can get to just sink in my own thoughts.

I unplug my iPhone from the charging dock that was in the bathroom, wiping the screen and unlocking it. There was a message from 5 minutes ago.

_S: When are you getting back to Halifax?_

_T: My flight leaves in like 4 hours. You're picking me up, right?_

_I hit send. Moments later Sid replies._

_S: Of course._

A smile formed around my lips and I was about to text him back when my phone alerts me of another message.

_S: I need to talk to you. Things have been left unsaid._

_T: Okay, well we can talk when I get home, eh?_

_S: I need to talk to you now._

_I hesitate texting back. Maybe if I just ignored him, I could pretend that my phone died or something._

_T: I don't have any spare time, Sid. James has me busy, we only have a few hours felt together!_

_S: He has you doing a lot of things lately._

_T: And what's that suppose to mean?_

I wasn't sure to what Sid was accusing but it didn't sound very nice.

_S: You've changed, Tess. You lie, you break promises and you've lost the most important thing, the one thing I adored about you. Your independence._

I've only lied once, maybe twice, and it's not like it was a huge deal, James forgave me just fine. Not quite sure what promises I broke or how I lost my so called 'independence' but it was way to early to begin a fight with anyone, let alone Sid.

_T: I have no idea what you're getting at, Sid but I can tell you you're completely wrong. I'll see you in a couple hours. We can talk then._

I turn my phone off before he could text back. The bed was empty when I opened the door, James was gone. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a tank top, I scurried downstairs hoping to raid the Neal fridge.

The kitchen was packed full, it was like a family reunion. Then there was me, the outsider, the girlfriend no one really knows yet.

"Ah, Tess, good morning! Can I make you some eggs?" Deborah asks and I nod.

"That would be awesome. Thank you." I take the empty barstool next to James who was buttering his piece of wheat toast.

"Morning, babe." He leans over kissing my cheek, making everyone in the room 'aww'. I flash him an embarrassed smile as Deborah handed me a plate of the most delicious looking scrambled eggs I'd ever seen.

"Wow, these look tasty!" I grab the bottle of ketchup and pour some over the eggs and dive in fork first.

"You two really are made for each other." Pete says with disgust. James shakes his head and finished his glass of OJ.

"I don't get it." I murmur.

"Apparently you and James are the only people I know who eat eggs with ketchup. Gross!" Nick chimes in.

"Pfft. They're better this way, thank you very much!" I wink at James.

"So what time does your flight leave?" James' dad asks.

"In about 3 hours. I wish I could stay longer."

"I'm sure we'll see you before the summer is over." Mike says.

"Well, who knows. Training camp starts soon for the national team, two games with them then I have like 5 days off before I head back to Pittsburgh."

"Don't you guys play the U.S. in Toronto soon?" Becca replies.

"Hey, we do! Maybe I can get you all box seats?" Their eyes light up and Becca looks the most excited.

"That would be awesome!" She squeals.

I finish the last of my scrambled eggs and coffee before placing my empty plate in the sink.

"Babe, we should probably get to Toronto." He kisses my cheek softly. I wait downstairs talking to his parents when James comes down with my bags.

"Jesus, what did you pack?!" He teases.

"Shoes. And more shoes." I say curtly.

I say my goodbyes, Deborah handing me over her cell phone number.

"Call me if you need anything, dear." Her arms wrap around me and her Chanel perfume floods my senses.

"Will do. Thank you for your hospitality, it was fun!" I walk outside, James loading my bags into the back of the rental Jeep. I climb in the passenger seat, waving goodbye.

The drive to Toronto was quiet and serene. James s holding my hand the entire time and I could feel him glance over to me every now and then. So,entices he could be so adorable, other times, he could be a pain in my ass.

"So why are we getting here so early?" I look over at James, he was smiling, even behind those stupid sunglasses, I could tell he was trying to avoid eye contact.

"Nealer, spill it." I demand.

"Uh, I changed your flight."

"What do you mean you changed my flight?" Confusion sets in.

"I'm going to Halifax with you." He flashes me that 100-watt smile. He thinks he's being adorable and this couldn't have come at a worse time.

I find my phone, turning it back on hoping to get a hold of Sid before we get to the airport. Just my luck, my phone died, the stupid thing won't even turn on. Getting a hold of Sid was nearly impossible if he didn't recognize the phone number.

"Can I use your cell?" I ask James.

"What for?" He digs in his pocket pulling out his black iPhone and handing it to me.

"I need to confirm a car for pickup at the airport."

"The charge might be low, I didn't hook it up last night. We can always worry about it when we get there."

"Yeah but...fine." I hand him back his phone. "When do we land?" I ask.

"11:15."

My original flight lands at 11:45 so maybe we can bypass Sid at the airport. I mean, the chances of him being there that early is unlikely.

We get to the gate to begin boarding our flight, my nerves at full alert. I hate flying.

The pilot gets on the overhead speaker.

"We'll be landing in Halifax, Nova Scotia in approximately two hours. The skies are clear which should make for an easy flight."

I stare out the window as the plane takes off, James holding my hand in comfort.

"We'll be there soon, babe. I can't wait to meet your family."

One deep breath and the beginning of a pounding headache, I reply.

"Yeah, me too. Should make for an interesting trip." I say amused.

Sometimes you just have to face your biggest fear, fear of confrontation, fear of betrayal and fear of loss. All of these could happen, might happen and most likely will happen. I'm between a rock and a hard place, caught between two friends.

And I'm not sure what I'm going to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Halifax Stanfield International Airport. It's not the biggest airport I've ever been in but it's surely one that I feel welcomed in. When I walk through the gates, a sudden ease falls over me.

I'm finally home.

About 5 feet behind me, a man I thought would never visit the Maritimes, James Neal. It's not often this community gets to witness two professional hockey stars in the same town at the same time. Sid pretty much owns this place. Worst thing is he doesn't even know about James coming.

"So where do we meet the car?" James says loudly, the airport bustling with crowds of people.

"Well, we're not meeting a car, babe. Actually..." My words trail off as I see the backside of Sidney Crosby. He's posing for photographs with a few fans. Even though he's a hometown hero, Halifax still gets their share of new visitors and the prime reason, the Sidney Crosby Hockey Hall of Fame.

I turn to James who's struggling with the heavy bags. I grab the handle of one and press a button, two wheels pop out from underneath.

"Thanks for just now telling me this, Tess." He says sarcastically. I teasingly blow him a kiss.

"Okay, before we get to my parent's place there's something I need to tell you." I spent the entire flight processing something that I could tell James about our travel arrangements. This was as best as I could muster.

"Sid is actually the one picking me, I mean us, up. I should have told you but I didn't think it would be a big deal."

"Does he know I'm coming?" I shake my head no.

"Both our phones were dying, didn't have time to give him a heads up." James adjusts his Pittsburgh Pirates baseball cap.

"Well, this should be interesting." He laughs. I grab him free hand and we approach the back fo Sid. I cough loud enough to distract him.

"No problem, guys, have a good day." He says to a few fans before turning to me. "Hey Tess." He says pulling me into a hug. As He releases me, I notice his eyes shift to the right a bit.

Crap.

"Ah Nealer, hey man, I didn't know you were coming." He smiles at James but his eyes quickly shoot a look of confusion my way.

"Yeah, I kind of surprised Tess with it this morning."

Out of nowhere, these two were getting along. Sid wasn't acting weird like he was this morning and James seemed really relaxed, given the events that happened last week. This was not normal.

It wasn't okay.

As James was loading our bags in Sid's Range Rover, Sid cut me off at the passenger side door.

"So he's here, now, what about our talk, Tess?" His hand was pressing the car door shut, preventing me from opening it.

"We can still talk, our dinner is still on. I'll just explain it to James. Calm yourself, Crosby." I pat him on the shoulder, he opened the door for me before returning to the driver's side.

The drive to Grand Lake, where both Sid I live in the Summer months, was pretty quiet on my end. James and Sid talked about how their off-seasons were going, about Geno's new contract extension and other hockey, man stuff.

I took the opportunity to send a text to Max.

_T: Code Red. Crosby and Nealer in Halifax. At the same time. Help._

I knew that contacting Max would be a long shot, she rarely keeps her phone ringtone on so if she did see it, it wouldn't be for another couple hours.

Surprising enough, it was only minutes until I got a response.

_M: Why Tess why? How could you let this happen! You know those two are toxic around each other._

_T: Actually they're getting along. Like before James and I started dating. It's freaking me out._

_M: You home yet? Did you talk to Crosby about the other week? Girl, this is huge. And so fucking wrong._

She was right, I owed it to myself and to Sid to have the talk we've been so desperately trying to have for the past couple months. But then James happened and then it was like Sid and I barely saw each other.

_T: Tell me about it. There was no way to even warn Sid, James just sprung this visit up on me this morning. On the way to the airport. Max, I could really use you here right now._

_M: I'll be there in the morning. I just booked a flight!_

Damn she's good.

_T: This is why I love you, Max. Seriously._

_M: Save the girly stuff for tomorrow, until then, try your best to keep these two guys from beating each other, well I should say, keep James from beating Sid. HAHAHA_

_T: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get your ass here._

_M: See you then, doll. xxoo_

I gauge my attention back to the boys. Still talking relatively normal. Jesus, why can't it be like this all the damn time.

"So Tess, your place or mine?" Sid asks, disrupting my thoughtful trance.

"What?"

"Do you want me to pick you up at your place or did you want to mee me at mine tonight?"

Tonight was when Sid and I planned to talk things out.

"Um, well...James?" I wait for him to budge in but instead he acts cool.

"Up to you, babe." He says nonchalantly.

"You don't mind?"

"Nah, I can find something to do. Sid says your bros are here so maybe I'll chill with them."

Great, the whole fucking family is in town all at once. Bad enough I have to deal with Sid but now I have to worry about James meeting my dad AND my four brothers? I swear we could host some NHL reunion hockey tournament - Pros vs the local street hockey team AKA Sid's old childhood friends.

"Well, you should probably meet them first." I suggest.

"Don't worry, Tess. Your mom wants me to bring you guys to their house, they're kind of throwing a welcome home party." Sid interjects.

It's been over a year since I was last home. Between college and playing soccer with the national team, my schedule doesn't leave many gaps for family time. We played a game in England last year, the day after Christmas so I spent the holidays in the hotel with the girls.

"Fantastic." I mumble.

"Way to be sarcastic, babe."

Once to my parent's house, which was 2 miles down the road from Sid and I's, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed. No one expected to see James walk through that door.

"TESSA!" My mom opens the door, her arms wrapping around me tightly as she plants a kiss on my cheek. My dad sneaks up behind her, slightly pushing her out of the way.

"Come on Marie, stop hogging our beautiful daughter." He pulls me towards him.

"Hey dad!"

He looks behind me and notices my guests. "Ah, Sid, thanks for bringing her over. We probably wouldn't see her if you didn't!" He laughs.

"Oh come on, it's not like I'd not visit, I'm not THAT busy." I roll my eyes.

"And who's this?" My mom rejoins the conversation.

"Oh! Mom, dad, this is James Neal. James this is my mom Marie and my dad, Jacques." James shakes my mom and dad's hand, a genuine smile appears on my dad's face. Introducing my parents, I didn't realize how French my family is.

"Tess you have a thing for Penguins I see." He teases. Sid and James laugh, James looking a little bit confused.

"Where's my idiot brothers?" My mom points to the dock.

"Fishing." She says.

I grab James' hand and lead him out back. This was the true test, my brothers are very protective and they don't take to me dating hockey players very lightly. I can remember the first time they met Sid, now that was awkward.

Five feet away from the dock, my brothers turn to us, smiles all around. I drop James' hand and run over to them.

"Hey loser." I yell, poking my oldest brother in the ribs.

"Well if it isn't the famous Tess Mariot, soccer extraordinaire and famed Foosball loser." Marc lifts me in his arms, it's been months since I last saw him, when the Pens plays the Habs. That's usually the only time we see each other.

One by one, my brothers begin hassling me, asking questions about why I never see them and who I'm dating next.

"Guys, this is James." James waves to the 4 giants standing in front of him. Most of my ex boyfriends were always intimidated meeting my family, after all I come from a very tall one. All my brothers are over 6'4", hell even my mom is 5'11"!

"This is Marc the Canadien, Andy the Shark, Kris and Matt, who both play in the AHL." I also come from a hockey family which adds another level of intimidation.

"Ah James Neal, I've heard so much about you. Congrats on the extension." Andy says.

"Thanks man, you guys played great in the playoffs, both of you." James nods his head toward Andy and Marc, both of them making it to the playoffs but shortly eliminated.

"Tough break for the Pens though, thought you guys would have sealed the deal." James looks to the ground, he's still somber about the series sweep.

"Yeah well shit happens." He laughs.

The camaraderie between hockey players still amazes me. Somehow, some way, they know everything. Who signed what, who they play for, how many fights they've been in; hockey players are a lot smarter than people give them credit for.

I hear a loud whistle coming from the house, my mom outside waving the Quebec flag.

Lunch time.

My brothers head up first while James and I follow back behind.

"That wasn't so bad." He grabs my hand, kissing the top of it. "They seem pretty chill."

"They are. Sometimes." I giggle. "When they're not picking on me."

"You're their little sister, I do the same to Beck, babe." He pauses. "I didn't realize how French Canadian your family is! And how tall they were, Sid definitely didn't prepare me for that." He sounds amused.

"Well, we're a bunch of freaks, hockey-playing, poutine-eating, French-speaking freaks." I smile at him, he winks back.

The great hall; the place where family dinners are eaten, memories are reminisced, and fights begin.

Sid was laughing over something with Marc and Kris while Matt and Andy were helping dad in the living room, they were trying to find the golf tournament on the new 80" TV my parents bought.

"Lunch is ready. Bon Appetit!"

We take our seats, I sit next to Marc and James, Sid sitting directly across from me. The conversations were staggered, everyone had their own but eventually they all merged into one massive topic of me.

"So, how did you and James meet?" My mom begins, everyone staring at me, Sid barely making eye contact.

"Sid, actually. He set it up." He raises his eyes to mine, a look of regret shines through. My parents look at each other confused and my brothers nodding their heads in sync. That was always the reaction.

"Yeah, I kept bugging him to introduce me to Tess. She's a great girl." James continues.

"Friends first though, I didn't let him in easy." I say cheekily, everyone except Sid looking amused.

"Well, as long as you're happy, Tessa." My dad reaches for my hand on the table.

I help my mom clean up after lunch, she poured a glass of wine for the both of us. I was cleaning the dishes when she stood right next to me, her hand on her hip and her glass of wine almost empty.

"So you and Sid seem awkward." She starts off.

"Mom, we're fine."

"You don't look fine." She takes a sip of her wine, her eyes staying glued to me.

"We are." She was beginning to annoy me and she was acting a lot like Max does. I swear Max is my adoptive sister.

"Does James know about you two?" I turn to her, fully agitated.

"Mom, stop. Seriously. I don't need this right now." She loves to get under my skin.

"I'm just saying Tess. You and Sid still hang out together and you're dating James. They're teammates for christ's sake! James needs to know!" I throw the last of the plates in the dishwasher, slamming the door hard.

"Leave it be." I grab my glass of wine and storm out of the kitchen. When I turn the corner I run into James, his hat shielding his face.

"Tess."

"Hey babe." I grab his hand. He pulls away from me, raising his ball cap up so I could see his face. His beard was growing back fast even though his hair seemed to stay in it's awkward phase.

"So what happened between you and Sid?" He presses. I stand there shocked, he was there listening to us the whole time.

I was hoping that today would be the day I wouldn't have to break someone's heart.


	10. Chapter 10

***** Two and a Half Years Ago *****

"Just pretend like you're just hanging out with him normally. Tell yourself it's not a date." Max says, flipping through the newest Cosmo mag.

"But it is a date, he said so." I picked up my navy heels, they'll perfectly with the black dress I wanted to wear. As much as I tried to remain calm, I couldn't. This is Sid we're talking about. Sure he's just a normal guy to me, behind closed doors, but to everyone else he's Sidney Crosby - one of the best hockey players in the world.

"Tess, be realistic. You two are like two peas in a pod, this is nothing. Just a date, two people hanging out, relax. Unless he tries to put a move on you, then I'd just go with the flow." She laughs behind the magazine, her face turning two shades red.

The doorbell rings.

"Dammit, he's early!" I yell quickly slipping on the dress and heels. I adjust my hemline, making sure it's at the perfect length and tossing my fingers through my hair one last time. "Do I look okay?"

"Good enough. Now go!" Max rushes me downstairs. I tread slowly weary that I could break an ankle. Broken ankles and soccer players don't go hand-in-hand. I open the door to see Sid dressed up, looking dapper as usual.

Though he was wearing jeans, his super fancy blazer and buttoned-up shirt took the glory. I don't know how he does it but there's rarely a time where his fashion sense isn't up to par. Unless he's wearing those hideous neon yellow crocs.

"Wow, Tess. You look...stunning." His eyes once over me, a smile emerging.

"You don't look to bad yourself. Very handsome." We were at ease once we were alone, no Max to poke fun at us for acting like a couple of dorks.

We ate at this fancy restaurant called Hyehold right outside of the city. It was super intimate and romantic, I mean, it was inside of a castle of sorts. This totally seemed out of place for the two of us.

"That was probably the nicest place I ever ate. And the most expensive!"

"Oh Sid, like you should be complaining about money." I laugh.

"I don't like spending that much for dinner but tonight it was worth it." He tried to remain humble which was one of his more admirable qualities. I like to believe that if Sid hadn't found the love of hockey, he'd still be the same guy.

"So what now?" Sid pulls the car into a vacant lot. He parked the car and got out walking over to my side.

"I want to show you something." He grabbed my hand as he opened the door, my feet sinking into the moist dirt. I wore the wrong shoes to be hiking through mud!

"What's this?" I see nothing but wood planks and opened beer cans everywhere.

"This is where I'm building my house."

"You don't sound so happy." He wouldn't blink. Sid stood there with a blank stare.

"It's too big for one person." He mumbles.

"Get a roommate!" I tease. He laughed instantly.

What a faker.

"I was hoping that maybe..." Sid paused, his hand squeezing mine. "Maybe you could move in with me? There's plenty of room." His eyes shifted in my direction. They had a hopeful look, almost like a baby puppy. His eyes were irresistible.

"Um, well, Sid, look." I couldn't piece my words together correctly, my mouth wasn't cooperating. Sid grabbed both my hands, kissing the tops gently.

"It won't be ready for another 2 years or so. We have all the time in the world, Tess." He says. "You're an important person in my life, my friend, maybe one day you could be more." He adds.

"What are you saying, Crosby?" I retort.

"I'm not sure. Look, I know we haven't dated or anything but we've been friends for a while and you know me better than my own mother! I'd like to see where this goes, Tess, I'd like you to be my..." He sighs. I wait for him to finish his thought. I puzzle all the different scenarios. He could want me to be his roommate, his in-home training partner, his house sitter for when he's gone.

"Girlfriend." He finishes.

Well that was the last possible scenario. Crap.

"This is so soon. This is our first date!" For once in our friendship, I was feeling uncomfortable. "We have this good thing going on, Sid. Why ruin it?"

"Because I know this is real!" His voice was elevating, Sid never gets angry.

"How do you know? What if we're meant to be only friends?" I kept cool because all I needed was Sid to abandon me in this empty lot, even though I know he hasn't the heart to do so.

"When I'm around you Tess, I feel things. I can't explain. I just know, deep down, one day, you and I will try this. Why not now?" He pulled his hands away from mine, awkwardly shoving them into his pants pocket.

"What if I'm not ready?"

"I'll wait." He says. "As long as it takes, I'll wait."

It sounded promising, either way, Sid and I would eventually try us out. I'm still not convinced it's a good idea, he's a great friend and I'd hate to lose him because we ruined it with some deeper feelings.

"What happens if I find someone else?" I prod.

"I'll hate it more than anything."

"Fine." I agree.

Sid turns to me and his face lights up. He pulls me into a hug, our lips gently colliding in the process. He tasted amazing, just like I imagined. Kissing him was on a whole other level, it felt taboo, unrestricted and uncensored. It was just Sid and I and this empty, vacant, kind of creepy lot.

"One condition." I break the kiss.

"What?"

"If someone else comes along and I happen to fall in love with that person, don't hate me. Don't change, don't get angry and spiteful. This isn't a promise, just a temporary contract."

His expression changes.

"Tess..."

"Sid, I want you to date, go out with girls. Don't hold yourself off for me." I interrupt. "Let's just see what happens."

*** Present Time ***

Anxious. Nervous. Unprepared.

"James, nothing really happened." I pulled him into the laundry room and locked the door behind us. Everyone else was outside so at least our conversation would be private.

"I didn't hear much, Tess, but I heard you freak out when your mom brought it up. What aren't you telling me?" He was leaning against the washer with his arms crossed in front of him.

"Come on, we don't need to talk about this!" I say almost hitting my breaking point. I could feel tears form in my eyes.

"Enough to make you want to cry, Tess." He sounded frustrated as he took a deep breath, calming himself down. I wanted to run away, turn my back and escape this, I hated knowing that whatever I'd tell him, he'd flip.

"We dated once." I begin. James' attention refocused and he adjusted his posture against the washer. He looked at me to continue, staying silent and not saying a word.

"After we first met, Sid and I were attracted to each other. We tried dating, the whole nine yards but it ended up not working out." I look at him, hoping he'd say something.

"Why not?"

"Because it didn't. The timing was off, both of us weren't ready like we thought we were. It was like two years ago and it only lasted 6 months." The tears were on edge, I could feel my face heat, my cheeks reddening.

"Was Sid your ex boyfriend? The one you never talk to me about!?" James was getting aggravated. His face was turning a pale red and his jaw was clenched.

"James, babe, come on. It's no big deal!" I reach over to touch his arm but he deflect my hand.

"No big deal? You fucked Sid. You told me you were JUST friends yet you dated him for half a year? Get real, Tess, who's your next Penguin?!"

"Like you're some fucking saint? Before me you were a viable man-whore who slept with any girl that was decent looking. Don't EVER criticize me, I dated Sid, yeah sure why not. We are good friends now, that's it! I left him for you, do you not understand?!"

Holding back the tears was nearly impossible now, each one of them stung as they ran down my face.

"I'm done. I can't do this anymore, Tess. You're never 100% honest with me. At least I told you about my past." James walks upstairs, quickly packing his bag before leaving.

"Tess, what's going on?" I hear Sid behind me, the screen door creaking as it closed.

"Sid, not now." I wipe my tears, composing myself.

"Tess, is everything okay?"

James comes back to the hallway, his bags in both hands and his cheeks the color of his red shirt. He had been crying, the bill of his hat hid his puffy eyes perfectly.

"Oh great, well, Tess, looks like Sid can cheer you up. Maybe he can rub your back to make you relax before he fucks you."

Ouch. James and I always gave each other massages, especially after stressful days and usually the massages finished with a happy ending.

"Excuse me?" Sid stoop up straight as he stood infront of me as if to shield me from my boyfriend.

"Crosby, I don't want to punch your pretty little face but if you get any closer, I will." James threatens.

"Just go, Nealer." He says, his voice deeper than ever. James walks right past me without one look, his bag hitting my thigh as he walked through the door.

Sid stands beside me, completely silent. I fall to his arms as an overwhelming amount of emotion hits me all at once. I didn't explain to Sid what happened, it wasn't any of his business but for some reason, I felt as if he knew the reason this whole time.

I never intended to ever be this distraught over James, I hated that I never got to really explain myself to him. There was never any reason for me to hide things and I don't know why I did. I gave him everything I had but unfortunately it wasn't what he wanted.

The truth.

And now I sit here with a broken heart and my ex boyfriend.

Crosby: 1

Mariot: 0


	11. Chapter 11

It's been 48 hours since I last spoke to James. It was killing me, he wouldn't answer my calls or return my texts. I tried facetiming him and he would just ignore my calls and the worse part was that I knew he was online. I hated feeling like this and I could only imagine how he felt.

I've kept to myself for most of the week, my parents giving me the space I needed by not calling or checking up on me. However my brother's found it necessary to follow me to my house and bug the crap out of me.

"He'll come around, Tess." Marc wraps his arm around me. I brush him off, the feeling of someone touching me was enough to make me go crazy.

Andy was the only one who left me al one, sitting across from me in the common room, staring at me.

"Go ahead. Say it." I challenge him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, his legs unfolding under him. He leaned out over his chair, his hand running through his brown hair. Ugh, just like James does.

"I'm not saying a word." He says.

Of all my brothers, Andy was by far the closest to me. We're so much alike that we often banter back and forth but he was always the one that understood me the most. You'd think that we were born at the same time, not three years apart.

"Oh Tess, I told you so!" I mimic his accent almost perfectly. He sighs heavily standing up and exiting the room. Marc, Matt and Kris sit there in amusement as I chase after him.

"Come on, Andy. Tell me how big of a mess I made. How I fucked up I made everything!" He stops suddenly turning to me. His face was full of frustration.

"Do you want me to tell you that you should have stayed with Sid? That you should have grown some balls and admitted to Sid how much you fucking love him? Okay Tess, you're right, you fucked up. Bad. I warned you about James but you never listen!"

"You warned me? When did this happen? I never recall you ever picking up the phone to warn me about him and it's none of your business! I know about his past, Andy."

"But he didn't know about yours. How much are exactly hiding from him, Tess? Seems like someone is afraid to confront their feelings. Grow up." He storms out of the house, the door slamming behind him.

Marc runs after him, finally catching up to him at the dock. Kris and Matt find me in my room.  
"Tess." Kris peers in.

"What."

"Are you okay?" Matt asks from the hallway.

"Do I look okay?" I grunt.

"You look like a hot mess." Kris laughs. I flash him a death glare.

"Max is on her way, she was out shopping but I told her you needed her."

I hadn't even remembered that Max was here in Halifax. She flew in the day after James and I's fight but I never registered her presence.

"Oh. Okay, thanks." I sigh.

"You'll figure it out. You always do lil sis." They shut the door and I'm finally to myself. I pull my iPad out from my bag and connect to Facetime. He was on.

I dial his phone, the wait killing me.

"Come on, pick up." I mutter.

It rings 5 times before it disconnects. Even technology has it out for me, they don't even want me talking to James.

I grab my phone and begin typing a text.

_T: Babe, I know I fucked up. We need to talk. Please answer me._

I hit send, setting my phone on the table beside me. It rattles against the surface almost instantly.

_J: No._

Okay, so he's still pissed, I get it. WE ALL GET IT.

_T: Are you going to ignore me forever?_

J: Yeah.

These one word responses were beginning to piss me off. I shouldn't complain, at least he's responding.

_T: Please James. I want to talk, where are you?_

I wait nervously for him to reply. He could be anywhere. Whitby seems more likely, his family probably thinks I'm some rabid puck bunny or something by now.

J: Sid's.

Who knew that one-worded texts could terrify you so much. The thought of those two in the same house, the fact that James was still in Halifax and the hope that there's a silver-lining somewhere, freaked me out.

I don't bother replying. I call Max instantly.

"Hey girl. I'm like 500 ft away!" I hang up and meet her on the front porch. Just as I get there she's pulling up in her flashy rental car.

"Hey!" She runs to me and we exchange a hug. She sits on the bench next to me, her hand holding mine. "Okay, so start from the beginning."

We discussed the fight and how I never told James the truth. It was the first time I actually came clean to someone about what was really going on with me. I've been stressed with school, with the national team and the fact that I was both friends with and dating a two Pittsburgh Penguins threw me overboard.

"Finally, Max, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were here, I've been so out of it. I just want to thank you for putting up with my drama."

She smiled at me. "That's what friends are for, Tess. If you can't bail yourself out, someone has too!" We both laugh.

"So he's at Sid's place apparently." I mutter.

"Oh god. Didn't see that one coming. What are you going to do?"

"I should go over there." I waited for Max to say something that would deter me, but nothing.  
"You should. That's the only way you two can talk. I could go with you, maybe I could charm Sid from eavesdropping."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

The walk to Sid's place was short, literally two houses away but it felt like a marathon. My heart was beating heavily and my hands were clammy.

"Calm down, Tess." Max advised. We walked up to the door, knocking hard. We heard a few scrambles inside before the door unlocked.

"Hey girls." Sid opened the door, a smile on his face once he sees us. I keep from looking at him directly.

"Where's James?" I ask.

"Out back. You can go ahead out there, Max, you want a drink?" She nods.  
"I'd love one."

I walk around Sid's house, the lake looking gorgeous, boats filtered in and out. I see James sitting on the hammock, kicking the rocks at his feet. I treaded lightly hoping to sneak up on him but a giant rock had other plans for me. I tripped and fell, cursing mother nature for her ill-placed boulder of a rock.

"Tess, you okay?" James helped me up, his hand grabbing my bicep.

"Oh I'm just fantastic." I wipe away the dirt from my bare legs revealing a s mall nick on my knee.

"You're bleeding, come on, get over here." We sit on the hammock and James grabs my right leg, placing it across his legs. He takes the end of his undershirt, dabbing it on the tip of his tongue, gently removing the blood from my leg.

"Thanks. I can be clumsy sometimes." I say, my eyes never leaving him. He looked terrible. His beard was growing in and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "So, you never left..."

He finishes cleaning up my knee, his hands lingering on my leg before sliding it off.

"Yeah. It would be weird if I went home after only being gone for 6 hours." He said bluntly.

Not exactly the answer I was looking for, no 'I stayed because I hoped you were pulling some joke" or "Because you can't just abandon someone you love" type of stuff. He just didn't want to go home and be embarrassed because his girlfriend is a tool.

And I'm not a tool for the record.

"RIght. That would be weird." James was looking over the lake, his hands fidgety, he was just as nervous as I am. "I'm sorry."

"I know. So does my phone." He laughed.

"Seriously James. I'm an idiot. If you never want to be with me ever again, I get it. I have issues, I'm not sure what I want -"

"Who you want." He interrupts. Another blow for Tess, right where it hurts.

"Fair enough." James looks at me, his eyes intent and at full alert. My spidey senses told me he was about to ask me something big.

"Who do you want, Tess?"

And there it was. The one answer I thought I never had to answer. Had you asked me this weeks ago, 100% I would say James but after these past few days, I'm not sure.

"It's complicated."

"Not really. You either love me like you've been telling me or you want Sid, your best friend turned ex-boyfriend. It's simple." He looks dead serious.

"James, please. I don't want to do this, not now."

"On a count of three, say the person who first comes to your mind." He shifts his body towards mine.

"I don't want to-"

"One...two...three!" He ignored my plea. I sat there silent not giving into playing his stupid game. This was not how we were suppose to talk about it.

"Come on, James...stop it."

"Say it, Tess. Maybe if you admit it to yourself, everything will be a-okay." He was being sarcastic, one of his ugliest traits. He's so mean when he's sarcastic.

I refuse to answer. My eyes frantically stare into his looking for something unknown.

"Well. There's your answer, Tess." James stands up, stretching his arms above his head. "And the Oscar for Best Leading Actress in a Drama Film goes to Tess Mariot for 'Caught Between Love," a story about a woman who can't seem make up her damn mind and ends up losing everyone."

I watch him walk back to Sid's place, unsure what words would be spoken once inside. All I could think about was how he was right. There's no James, Sid probably won't talk to me, Max is going to lecture me and here I'll be even more confused on what I want.

I'm not sure how I'll recover from this one.


	12. Chapter 12

My head hurts. It's painful; like a hammer pounding my temples as my brain turns to mush.

I drank too much. But apparently that's what you do when you fuck up, right?

Last I heard James retreated back to Whitby before his camp started with Gary Roberts. So much for meeting him, eh? Sid, well he's somewhere West, he ditched Halifax almost instantly. My parents are stoic, barely talking to me and my brothers just stare at me with pity.

Max is the only person talking to me, she's trying her best to act as normal as she can.

"Here," she throws a bottle of aspirin over to me, setting a glass of water next to the couch.

"Get dressed, Tess. And for Christ's sake, get off that damn couch!" She pulls the blanket off my feet.

"I don't want to." I moan, forcing the pills down my throat.

"Face the world. Stop sulking, it's not an attractive look on you." I nod my head and stand up, stretching my sore limbs from lack of movement.

The past few weeks have been hell. Three to be exact. I pulled out of the CanWNT vs USWNT match because I just wasn't up to playing soccer. All I wanted to do was sleep and cry. Sometimes at the same time. I limp into the shower, my foot half asleep. The cold water woke me up quickly as I stood there, the water running over me and my muscles tightening.

"Hurry up, Tess, we have things to do!" I hear Max yell through the door. I grab the towel hanging up and wrap it around myself. I lean against the countertop while I brush my teeth, my head spinning. After a moment of calmness, I look into the mirror for the first time.

"Jesus, you look like shit, Tess." I mumble. My face was flushed and dry. Stress acne formed around my forehead. "No wonder no one wants you. You look disgusting." I grab my face moisturizer and begin working it in.

It burns.

I let my face mask settle as I go find something to wear. Casual. I'm far too lazy to actually give a damn. I slip on a pair of basketball shorts and a oversized t-shirt. It wasn't until I realized that these were James' shorts. "Ah screw it." I say, slipping my feet into my Nike's.

"Well look who invented Hobo couture!" Max laughs when she sees me.

"I have no impressing to do today, fuck you very much." I say.

We pile into her rental. The lake shimmering off behind the house, people fishing on the docks. So beautiful here in the Summer.

"So where are we going?" She ignores my question.

Max pulls into the parking lot of this small cafe. "Coffee." She says. I follow behind her. People lined the walls with their MacBooks lighting up the dim cafe. I grab a table in the back while Max grabs our drinks.

"Hey." I look around confused. I couldn't place the voice with a face. "Over here." I turn behind me to see a fake tree blocking the hallway. A face peers from behind the tree.

"I thought..." I stutter.

He stands up. His hair cut short and fully shaved.

"Tess. I think we need to talk." He takes the seat across from me, pulling off his sunglasses.

"Sunglasses indoors. You're such a rebel." I snort. He chuckles.

"I've missed you." He says.

"Yeah? I wouldn't miss me." I look behind him searching for Max. She was nowhere in sight. I run to the window and her car vanished.

"It was my idea. Like I said, we need to talk."

"James. This isn't cool." I fold my arms.

A waiter comes over handing me a macchiato. The cup read: "Sorry. It had to be done. xxoo Max"

We sit in silence for what seemed like a lifetime but in reality, it was only 42 seconds.

"What's there to talk about?" I challenge his request.

"Everything. Nothing. We can sit in silence if you'd like, but I can't promise I won't undress you with my eyes." He smirks.

"Classy."

For some reason, I had a weird case of deja-vu. I felt as if I was talking to James, the James before we became a couple. The James that would say inappropriate things and make sexual innuendos. It wasn't the James a few weeks ago, the one who hated my guts.

"What do you want, Nealer?" I sip y macchiato breaking the eye contact.

"From James to Nealer. Dammit Tess." I smile under my cup.

"Well?" I wait for him to answer.

"I want a restart. A do-over. Lets just pre-"

"No." I cut him off. He looks at me with confusion.

"What?"

"No. There's no such things as a do-over because you can never forget the past. Lets be adults here. For once in our relationship."

It felt weird talking to him. I knew I wasn't myself and I was okay with that. I'm not the same girl I was 3 weeks ago. Everything, all my secrets, are all out on the table. Everyone knows about them. I can't pretend nothing happened because I don't want to be weak anymore.

"Fine. Then let's pick up where we left off." He suggested.

"I can't be with anyone right now, okay? Like you said, I don't know what I want and I've lost everyone. I need to re-discover myself before I can move on."

"I forgive you, Tess. Babe, come on. It's been too long, I've gone crazy." I squint my eyes at him, looking at his face. The most gorgeous face. I missed the beard.

"Sorry."

"You can't tell me that you didn't miss me. Miss us? Sid and I, we're fine. Seriously. He's over you, he told me he only wants to be friends. Tess, it's okay."

I stand up, grabbing my things. Before I leave I look him straight in the eyes.

"You know what? For the past three weeks, I've cried over you. I missed you like crazy. I called you like crazy and you never answered. No texts back, no emails, no phone calls. I even got a hold of your family and no one could tell me the best way to reach out to you. Now, out of nowhere, you're here claiming that you've missed me and want to start over? I'm coming to terms with what I did, I lied to someone who I really cared about. That's what really hurts. I'm not sure it can be the same, after all, I have yet to talk to Sid. But you were right about one thing..."

I was feeling overwhelmed and my eyes were reddening. Tears were forming and I could feel my throat tense up.

"I'm not sure who I want. What I want. I don't want to make this mistake again, James. I don't want to be your girl and fuck with Sid behind your back or vice versa. So I need to be alone. I need to focus on my last year of college and my career. We can be friends but that's it. That's IT."

I leave James alone in the shop. I start walking back home. The walk becomes faster, then a jog, then the jog becomes a run. Finally a sprint.

Just me, myself and I.


	13. Chapter 13

Pittsburgh. In Mid-August. That only means one thing.

Soccer.

"Come on Mariot, get your head in the game!" Crissy runs past me after I just ruined the only chance of scoring in the first half. I wasn't usually this unfit but considering this was our first game of the season, I'm surprised I'm even playing right now.

The locker room is silent and I can feel my teammates staring me down like lions about to pounce on the poor gazelle running across the field. This eery silence is enough to make your skin crawl.

Coach walks in, arms placed in his pockets awkwardly, reminding me of someone else.  
"We need to keep possession. We're losing chances and we have 45 minutes to tie the game up. Backline- keep together, NC keeps finding our gaps." Coach looks at me specifically.

"Tess, I'm subbing you out."

I nod in agreement throwing Max my captain's armband as she glances over at me with pity. This was the first time, in four years, that I've been subbed out of a game. Even I pity myself right now.

It was surreal watching the game from the sidelines. The crowd looked different, more involved than usual. You tend to block them out when you're playing. Forty-five minutes passed with 3 minutes added time and NC beat us 1-0. Depressing to say the least and certainly not the way we wanted to start the season.

I bypassed the journos who were trying to get a quote. The locker room was quiet, unusually quiet. I just wanted to get home and sleep.

The drive home was filled with crappy radio music, bad driving and lots of curse words. I beat Max home, keeping the garage door open. I down a bottle of water, grabbing my macbook while I scour the internet for some game scores.

"Arsenal lost to Man U. Figures." I mumble, slamming my macbook.

I was on a cleanse. A man-free cleanse. It's been about 3 weeks and it's tough.

Super tough.

A loud bang from the garage vibrates through the house. "Jesus christ, Tess. I can't deal with this anymore!" She slumps on the cushion next to me, her legs landing on the table in front of us.

"What are you talking about?" I ask uninterested.

"Your bullshit. It's beginning to affect your game, girl." I can feel her eyes stare me down.  
"I'm workin on it."

Truth was...I wasn't.

I can't get them out of my mind because I know in a few days they'll be back in Pittsburgh getting ready for preseason and somehow I'm bound to run into them. My phone rang non-stop since I left Canada. Texts from Becca and Taylor, my brothers calling every few days and my mom facebooking me asking if I died.

"You need to release some tension. We're going to Diesel tonight and there's no way you're backing out." Max stands up, lending out her hand. I grab it as she pulls me up. She hugs me. Max never does that. "I know I'm not the most sentimental person but I'm your best friend. I'm doing this for you, okay?"

Diesel was packed as always. People were watching the Bucs game and shots were flinging left and right at the bar. Chris was working the bar tonight and saw us when we walked in.

"Ah, if it isn't the famous Tess Mariot and her loyal companion Maxine. How was your summer, ladies?" He was tall, about 6'3" and lean. His arms bulged out of his overly tight black shirt, the one that he always wears.

"Eh." I mumble. Chris looked to Max. "Long story bud. How about two of Pittsburgh's finest." He hands us two cocktails happily named "I Swear I'll Move to Canada." Oh the irony. I down mine quickly before making my way to the back booth.

Some local DJ was playing and I could barely hear myself. Diesel was a place I tried not coming to. I'm not a big party-goer. From across the room, I see 3 guys sitting in the booth. Max grabs my arm, "Come on, we should go." She yells over the loud music.

"I wanna sit down, okay?" She rolls her eyes and follows as we get closer. "Excuse me asshats but this is my booth." The guys look at me and laugh. They're about 4 bottles in each, their eyes red and puffy from too much to drink.

"Baby, this can be your booth if you want it." His eyes motion to his crotch. His very small crotch.

"Yeah, no thanks. How about you move you and your little buddy and let us sit here."

"I don't see your name anywhere. How about you make me move." He folds his arms in front of him, a sly smile appearing on his face.

"This is our booth. Move." I feel someone tug on my arm.

"Oh shit. Sorry man. I'm a huge fan. I can't wait for the season to start!" It was instant. All three vanished, leaving an empty booth for my taking.

"Tess." Max whispers. I hadn't even looked to see who standing next to me but I knew who it was.

"Always an asshole, Nealer." I turn to him smiling sarcastically.

"I'm not the one who ditches people at cafes." He slides into the booth, grabbing the phone next to him to order his first round of drinks. "Now, you can either leave now and we can be hostile to each other...or you both can sit here and drink with me."

Max whispers something into my ear. "No." I say back. "Lets drink." I slide next to James, not too close, but close enough. There was no way I was going to let free drinks go to waste.  
Max grumpily takes the other side, her eyes fiercely looking at me.

"Max, relax. We're just drinking. Civilly." James retorts.

5 drinks later and the room is spinning. "Ugh." My stomach was starting to hurt. Beer and liquor do not mix well with me. It's either one or the other. Max is too busy talking with some guy she met at the bar who is now invading her personal space.

"Tessa..." James leans in closer to me, the smell of alcohol stains his breath. "Yeah?"

"I'm an asshole. I never deserved a girl like you." He mumbles, his words slurring together. Glad to know he's not angry James tonight.

I saw flashes coming from our side, only to see a girl with her camera out and a smile on her face. This will be online soon enough. Greeeeeaaaaat.

"James, we need to go home. I'm drunk, you're drunk and people are taking photos. We'll share a cab." I pull out my iphone and quickly text the cab service my coordinates. Max was tangled up in mystery bar dude to even notice James and I slipping out from the booth.

James takes the lead, grabbing my hand as we dive in and out between people. Girls gasping as we walk by, mumbling and taking photos.

You never get used to that.

The cab was waiting out front for us, more people waiting to get in yelling at James. Girls were literally throwing themselves on him but he kept his grip on my hand tight. He opens the door for me, watching me as I get in then quickly following behind me, slamming the door before the craziness outside seeped in the cab.

James tells the cab driver my address. The ride to my apartment was awkward. It was also a super small car and our legs were touching. The driver pulled into my drive way and I shifted my eyes towards James.

"I'll walk you up. It's late." He starts.

"I have about 10 feet till my front door. I doubt I'll get attacked." I say with deep sarcasm.

"Shut it, Tess." He gets out and walks over to my door, opening it wide and barely standing straight.

"You've had too much to drink, James." I couldn't help but laugh. "You should stay here. On the couch. Knowing you you'd get home and dive head first into the nearest six-pack."

"You know me all too well, babe." He mumbles.

"It's Tess."

"What?"

"It's just Tess. No 'babe,' okay?" I walk to my front door, stumbling in my purse for my keys. James stands behind me, leaning against the house frame.

"Tess." He sensually whispers in my ear. I open the door, remaining unaffected as I scoured my place for spare blankets.

"You'll be here. There's some blankets and a pillow. I'll get you a glass of water and some aspirin so you'll at least be decent minded in the morning." James nods his head, falling to the chocolate brown cushions, kicking his shoes off in the process.

I set his glass of water and pills on the table.

"Can we talk?" He asks, grabbing my hand. His eyes looked lost, like an abandoned dog.  
"Tomorrow. You need sleep." I begin to head upstairs. Just before I reach the top I stop. "And my door will be locked so don't try to sneak in!" I yell below.

"Tess Mariot, you tease!"

As I snuggle under the covers, my phone dings. A text message.

_**S:**__ Hey._

It was Sid. At 2 in the morning. The guy is usually stone-cold passed out by now.

_**T:**__ Hi._  
I hadn't heard anything from Crosby in weeks, deservedly so but this was so out of the blue.

_**S:**__ Just hi? Oh Tess. How have you been?_

_**T:**__ Fantastic. I've been on top of the world!_

_**S: **__Sarcasm only gets you so far. _

I rolled my eyes at the comment.

_**T:**__ Why is the NHL's best player awake at 2 in the morning?_

_**S:**__ I just wanted to talk to you. I'm back in Pitt, maybe we can hang out or something._

_**T:**__ Well. That's up to you, Crosby._

_**S:**__ I want to hang out.  
_  
Seconds past and another text came through.

_**S:**__ And what did I say about calling me Crosby?_

_**T:**__ Fine. Market Square? I'll be around there all day, running errands._

_**S:**__ You mean you'll be able to fit me into your busy schedule? Oh thank you!_

_**T:**__ Hey, sarcasm only gets you so far Crosby._

_**S:**__ Touché. See you then._

Before turning off my phone for the night, I send one last text.

_**T:**__ Max, where the hell are you? Don't freak out if you see a drunken gingerbeard man on our couch._

A quick response chimes in.

_**M: **__Tess, you need to stop being so nice all the time. On my way home now, manless FYI._

_**T:**__ Shut it. See you in a few hours, my head needs sleep._

My phone shuts down leaving me alone in utter silence and peace. I curl my arms around the pillow next to me and for once, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.


	14. Chapter 14

You know when you wake up after an intense night of drinking, it feels like your head got ran over my a semi?

Welcome to my morning.

I stumble down to the kitchen, my head throbbing to see Max and James sitting at the breakfast bar.

"What's good this morning?" I ask.

"Cereal." They both say in sync, a fit of laughter soon followed. I grabbed the frosted flakes, took a handful and shoved them into my mouth.

"Attractive." Max chimes.

"To think I dated that for 5 months..." James retorts.

"Don't act like it didn't turn you on, Nealer." He smiled and spooned another helping of cereal. He tilted the bowl to his mouth, drinking the sugary milk that was left over.

"It still turns me on." He whispered as he walked past me to the sink. I rolled my eyes.

"Well ladies," he looked at both of us. "While I wish I could stay in the company of such beauty, I have to go workout." He hugged Max. "Tess. Last night, thanks. It was fun." He winked at me before leaving.

"The hell was that? You hugging?"

"We talked this morning. It's no big deal." Max shrugged. "He's still crazy about you, Tess."

"Stop it." I mutter. "I have errands to run, people to meet, things to do. I don't need whatever James Neal said last night to hover over me while I try to have a decent day today."

"What do you have planned?" She was curious at my sudden optimism.

"Lunch with a friend." I grabbed another handful of cereal.

"Sid."

"How'd you know?" I stuttered.

"James said he was back in town. You know, I'm happy the guys are back. Maybe you can finally move on. Things could be like old times." She seemed so hopeful.

"Things could never be like old times. James would never trust me and lets face it, Sid probably wants to tell me to stay the fuck away."

"There's that lovely pessimism I've missed." Max and her sarcasm.

I haven't been to Market Square in weeks, this place was always packed no matter when you came. I was running late meeting with Sid but I knew where he'd want to eat lunch - Diamond Market.

I saw him at a table alone, two drinks already ordered. He was hiding under a black hat but that didn't stop people from snapping photos.

"Hey." Breathless, heaving almost. Sid is always on time, one thing that annoys me. Is it s bad to be late for something just _once_ in your life?

"Tess. Hey!" He stood up pulling me in for a hug, no worries as to who was watching. Over his shoulder I saw two girls with their mouths gaped open. "A little late, eh? I should be used to this." He laughed.

Sid pulled out my chair for me and pointed for the waitress to come over. "The usual?" He asked and I nodded. "She'll have the black bean burger and I'll have the steakhouse burger. Thanks." The waitress gawked at Sid. _She must be new._ I thought.

"So how have you been?" Sid takes a sip of his water, his eyes focused on me.

"I've been better. You?" He shrugged.

"Not playing too well, huh?" My eyebrows raised in curiosity. "I was at the game. I've never seen you get subbed out."

Fantastic. My worst game ever and he was there to witness it.

"Go alone?"

"A couple of the guys came early so we all went." Was James with them? Did James see me play? Is that how he knew I'd be at Diesel? Jesus.

"Great." My face heats up. Embarrassment is no fun.

"Everybody has those games. You'll bounce back, you always do." He winked at me, his smile a little crooked from the new teeth he got over the summer.

We spent the next 10 minutes just staring at each other, seeing who would break with a smile or laugh first. It was always me. I could never keep a straight face, Sid broke me every time. The waitress brings out our food before politely asking Sid to sign a napkin. _What a noob._

Lunch went by quick and Sid was watching me finish off my sweet potato fries.

"I'm sorry if you felt I abandoned you..." He starts. It rattled me, I wasn't expecting this lunch to turn into a confession. I just looked at him.

"I wasn't the greatest friend back there," He referred to that day he just left Halifax. Without one word. He was just gone. "With everything that happened, all the feelings that surfaced, I needed to get away. I figured you'd want space."

Words failed me.

"I should have stayed. I'm sorry, Tess." Our eyes broke contact as he played with his thumbs under the table.

"Sid." He looked up. "I'm a mess. I let the past hinder me, for some reason I thought James would never find out about us but I...I..." Tears were collecting quickly. I tried my hardest to not let them fall.

"You love him. I get it." He sighed. "I'm the one that broke our promise. I acted like a dick, I changed once you started dating him. It was because of me, you couldn't be honest with Nealer. I'm so fucking sorry."

He looked torn. He was pleading for forgiveness, his eyes were sunken. I've never seen Sid this way before, it scared me. It broke my heart.

"No one has the right to be sorry for himself for a misfortune that strikes everyone ..." Marcus Tullius Cicero said that and boy is it true. We have no right to feel sorry for ourselves.

"Play fair. Don't hit people. Say sorry when you hurt somebody." Sid's eyes appear from under his hat. It was in that moment we both knew things would never be the same between us.


	15. Chapter 15

The first pre-season game was upon us. Max and I had our tickets in hand and we were ready for Penguins hockey.

It was a long and challenging off-season but with heartache comes revival and today was the start of something fresh and brand new, I could feel it. The boys skated on for pre-game warm ups, James without his helmet as usual, his hair perfect while Sid was focused, although letting a few smiles here and there.

The smell of CONSOL and the sounds of freshly zambonied ice was enough to make my insides all warm. Hockey will forever be in my heart, I mean, I practically grew up in a hockey family. My brothers texted me well wishes to pass on to Sid and James but I knew it was a jab at me, another reason to try and talk to the boys.

"They look happy out there. All of them, it makes me so stoked!" Max couldn't contain herself, not only did she love hockey but she also never sat center ice, right behind the bench. It's not my favorite place in the arena to sit, but for Max's birthday, it seemed appropriate.

Players came and went, each of them glancing at us, usually smiling as they skated by. Sid always stretches by the bench and this time was no different. He noticed us instantly, nodding his head and winking as he leaned to touch the tip of his skate.

It was comforting to know that this was how it used to be. I have no relationships with anyone on this team anymore and I felt so relieved to know that I didn't have to walk into to drama when I got home. I still live with Max and she's the most anti-dramatic person I know.

The horn went off and the players skated back into the dressing room.

"Man, I'm craving some serious nachos right now. Do you need anything?" Max stands up, her Penguins jersey hiding her fit frame as she readjusts her pants.

"I got two beers, I think I'm set till intermission." She flashes me a smile and runs up the steps.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pants pocket.

One new message.

J: Saw you behind the bench. Gorgeous as always. Wish me luck out there!

I roll my eyes, typing at a fast speed.

T: You know I hate sitting this close, I don't know where to look!

Within seconds, a response.

J: You're so awkward, Tess, haha. Just look at me, babe, everything will be okay ;)

Babe. That word hit me like a wall. It hurt to read but I was clear with James on my intentions.

T: How about you stop texting me and fix that hair of yours. Looked a bit sloppy out there :)

J: Really? Damn. Enjoy the game.

I closed my phone without responding. Just then 4 fours pile in the seats behind mine, all wearing the women's version of hockey jerseys. I don't understand why they make women's jerseys. A hockey jersey is a hockey jersey, there's no need to sexify it up.

"Those lines were long but an old guy let me cut in front of him. Score!" Max sat down, a pile of nachos in her lap and a beer in her hand.

"James texted me." I said quietly. Max flashed her eyes at me.

"Well, what'd he say?" She prodded.

"Oh the usual. 'You look gorg, babe.' typical Neal."

"Wipe it off. You're at a good place right now, focused on soccer, yeah? I think we all need a break from boys, eh?" Ever since those two weeks in Canada, Max developed the need to say 'eh' after every sentence.

Minutes later CONSOL went black; player introductions began as teams were announced to the ice. The crowd was going crazy, everyone missed the Penguins, it was a season for redemption.

It was the second home game for the Penguins in preseason and it was against the Blue Jackets, the team we won against in OT just a couple nights before.

"Nealer with two assists. That breakup to that whore definitely did him some good." I overheard the girls behind me talking just as the third was about to begin.

Max looked at me, her elbow nudging mine as I tried to ignore the comment.

"Not just Neal though. I heard she fucked with Sid years ago. Total puck slut." Said another. The girl started laughing. How dare they even try to call me that, they don't know me and they sure as hell don't know what happened between Sid, James and I.

Max looked behind us, her hand on the side of my seat. "You girls mind, we're trying to watch the game here."

The girls snickered. "Oh of course."

We had about 3 minutes of play left in the third when Max and I decided to bail early, traffic was terrible post game. Just as we made it to the end of our row, the girls once again showed their attractive colors.

"Hey, that's the chick that fucked Jamesy and Sid!" The petite blonde did a poor job of keeping her mouth quiet because I heard her all the way across the row.

"Excuse me?" I snorted, Max grabbing my arm.

"Don't mind them, Tess. They're not worth it." She muttered.

"No," I said pulling my arm away. "These girls think they know me, Max. Tell me, what's word on the street? I'm a puck bunny? I'm a cancerous whore to the Penguins? You know what, it's just preseason. NO ONE TAKES PRESEASON SERIOUSLY."

The leader of the pact, yet another blonde, came to her friend's assistance.

"At least I didn't fuck two players."

Oh what a comeback.

A middle-aged lady sitting on the end of their row rose up, her finger pointing at the girls. "You know why that is, dear? Because you treat other women like shit. Tess here is an Olympic athlete and a good friend of this team. Who cares if she dated James Neal or Sidney Crosby, it's nobody's goddamn business. But it's women like you that make me sick of the stereotypes women hockey fans have. Show some respect and keep your little mouth shut!"

A few people in our section started clapping, one man patted me on the shoulder in support. The whistle blew signaling the end of the game and players started exiting. I turned to the ice to see James and Sid looking at me confused.

"We gotta go." Max said.

"Thank you," I mouthed to the lady standing next to us as she smiled warmly at me.

We were just about to the parking ramp off to the side of CONSOL when I heard my name being called.

"Tess, wait!" James was running towards us, his purple-checkered suit looking even more atrocious in the dim lights.

"What happened back there?" He caught up to us, barely out of breath. Max nudged my arm.

"I'll meet you in the car." She whispered.

"Did you get into a fight or something?" James looked at me concerned and behind him I saw Sid walking towards us.

"No, just some chick talking trash about stuff she doesn't know." I let out a deep sigh as Sid settled at James' side.

"What kind of trash?" He asked.

"Just calling me names. Nothing I can't handle." The guys just looked at me. Another example of me not knowing where to look.

"Hey nice assists, Nealer. Sid, you tried." The guys laughed, Sid's face blushing. "I should go. See you two around, eh?" They both nodded.

Once home, Max headed upstairs to work on a project due in the morning. I opted to sit my ass on the couch and watch the latest slough of reality TV when I heard a knock at the door.

I looked through the peephole to see my favorite captain.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. Sid was standing firm, his shoulders broad and eyes content on mine.

"Sid?" He moved closer. "What are you-"

In a moment, Sid's hands were on my face, his lips glued to mine. I felt his body relax as soon as we touched and mine tense up. He moved in to the door, my feet shuffling behind myself trying not to fall down. I wrapped my arms around his waist, he responded by doing the same and pulling me closer.

"Tessa..." he breathed through kisses. I pulled Sid off me, grabbing his hand.

"We should go upstairs." I suggested making Sid smile.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Sid lifted me up over his arms and we snuck into my room, locking the door behind us.

That once easy feeling of relief earlier... well that just went out the window.


End file.
